Forever Canoeist

Like a Boss

2012-02-04T11:12:00.001+08:00

The number one reason people quit their job? "It all boils down to disrespect, towards them or their work," says HR manager/consultant Jennifer Joson-Virginio, who has stood guard at the employees' revolving door of publishing and IT companies for nearly a decade now.
It's unfortunate to have talent go to waste, only to see them excel elsewhere under better management. Want to know how to inspire loyalty, bring out the best, and maintain a good working relationship with your staff? Ms. Virginio gives us the top tips on being a great boss.
Walk the talk
Be the kind of boss that people aim to please and emulate, by leading by example, and exhibiting exactly the kind of behavior you expect from your own staff. "The best real-life boss I've ever come across with was the country head of one of the IT companies I joined. He walked his talk. His secret, I believe, is simply put in his own words … 'I don't shortchange my people.' To me those words are brilliant, genuine, and true," says Virginio.
"You can't—and should not aim to—please everyone, but you make them know that you think things through. By this principle, your demeanor and decisions are guided by truth, fairness, and respect. With these, people tend to just gravitate towards you … and as a bonus, do your 'bidding,' whether it be a request or a mandate."
Be fair but firm
Cultivate an open, honest, and fair environment where people can operate in mutual respect instead of fear. An employee's resentment can stem from not being heard out, being wrongly accused, or being punished much too harshly. It's important to lay down the law clearly, and when rules are broken, to judge the situation before meting out the appropriate, logical penalty.
Don't be a monster boss and fly into a rage at the slightest provocation; likewise, don't be a pushover and shirk from keeping your staff in line for fear that they'll no longer find you cool. Establish respect by being firm, fair, and yes, true to your word.

Keep the peace
Being a boss also means managing different personalities, and there are times you need to step in as a referee to keep the working environment harmonious and productive. When it comes to handling conflict between subordinates, Virginio suggests, "Always seek to resolve, and you can only do this when you are calm. Be fair and be patient.
Some tips: Before sitting them down, make sure you know the issue. Identify a root cause, and tell them about it (know that you may not always be right though, and if so, consult others). Make a plan of action (involve them when possible) and be extra firm, then check if it is being followed through."
Leadership is not a dictatorship
If you're wondering why the new recruits never survive your iron-fisted ways, perhaps it's time to update your management tactics. Says Virginio, "Autocracy is outdated. It is not only obsolete, I consider it obscene! The younger generation wants to be led towards a vision, and they are best steered by someone who can make them focus on what they can bring to the table, and make them feel that they actually did." Which leads us to…
Motivate, not humiliate
As important as it is for your staff to believe in you, you must also believe in them. Virginio attests, "By sincerely believing in your people, and being involved in their development, you bring out the best in them. Cheesy, but true." Being able to pinpoint your team's individual talents and orchestrating them efficiently under keen yet non-overbearing supervision can bring amazing, satisfying results. Publicly censuring them when they don't attain their goals is a sure-fire way to send any self-respecting employee packing.
Command respect
It's no longer a surprise to see women at the top of the corporate ladder, though even in this modern day and age, sexist stereotypes still prevail. Blow them out of the water by commanding respect right from the get-go! Since appearances are the first things people notice, dress the part—be smartly-groomed and sophisticated, but not too fussy. Invest in good skincare and fashion for an extra boost of confidence; after all, there's nothing quite as formidable as a stunning, successful woman.
Like A Boss
Brilliance alone doesn't make you boss material. For Virginio, it all boils down to integrity and good judgment. "A good boss should have the following qualities: 1. The ability to balance respect and goodwill with business. 2. A high sense of duty and regard for continuous improvement. 3. He/she should be a visionary or someone whom people can believe in. 4. Patience and persistence. As captain, you steer, and during a crisis, you are last to abandon ship."
Yes, that means getting down in the trenches with your staff during crunchtime—not texting your overtime commands from your seaside cabana. Virginio's professional advice to being a better boss? "First, lead because you believe you can all help to reach a common vision; then be kind, because you are sincere."

A Side of Me That I hate

2012-01-27T18:38:00.000+08:00

I really really hated this part of me.

I really hate it.

I really really hate it.

Why again did this kind of thing happen.

Why did it happen

How did it happen

Looking back into my life, there are many many many occasions where I could possibly screw up very badly. What my friend said was right. If only I had been some other person, I would have screw up very badly. He said I was lucky, and I believe I am.

There are many people who are willing to help me. But I can't always screw up. If I hadn't been so lucky, as to someone doing me a personal favor, once again I would be in trouble.

Thank you for all the people that have helped me. I am really going through a very difficult stage of my life. And I believe when I mature, I'm going to be and have the best traits of everyone and everything. Just wait. Hazel, let's do it.

It's difficult to be noble

2012-01-27T02:34:00.000+08:00

It's really difficult to be noble, sometimes... Truly difficult.

But I can because I'm noble

It's difficult to be gracious... truly difficult.

But I can because I'm gracious.

But I can

Because I'm the master of all difficulties.

I can

I can

I can !

Self Control

2012-01-26T00:53:00.001+08:00

Control over emotion, control over thoughts, control over willpower. Without control, human are beasts.

This episode with Cherie, clearly showed me how weak my emotional system is. It can aid me and take me to a great height, but at the same time they can also destroy me

I'm on a process to continuing refine myself, challenge myself, and to see things in the most rationale way.

I am not perfect, neither do I claim to be. I aim to be a better person each day, spiritually, psychologically, emotionally.

It has taught me many lessons, many are important one. Most importantly, it can clearly taught me that I need to change.

I need to be stronger, over my thoughts and feelings. I can do it. I am improving. I know I am

For now, you have done the right thing. You have finally had the courage to tell her what you really feel. This also means, I have already let go.

It's really hard to be a gentleman at times. But I had done it. Well done kenneth! Its time to move on.

Feel happy. Feel proud! You have done what you could to keep things in check. Let's have the seredity to accept things that we cannot change.

Let's move on. Life has much more to offer. Let's aim to be even more humorous and bring joy into people's life. That's your purpose in life isn't it. You will have a way to bring laughter to everyone. You will have a way to open up perspective in every single person. You can and will. You will always be able to find words to express yourself, and bring light into things. You can and you will.

Let's do it, Hazel.

To be the ideal me

2012-01-24T11:39:00.001+08:00

My greatest strength is my adaptation and willingness to reflect,

My greatest weakness is the extremeness nature of my character, and I have too much feeling beyond which I am able to control.

My strength are courage, creativity and I bring life to my surroundings

My weakness is I lack focus

Putting these into place, what is the ideal self I wish to become.

Lee Kuan Yew said "The biggest gift of being young individuals is that we have enough energy to start an idea, and see it through."

Life's a Gift

Every day I wake up being a new me, a new self and that's a gift.

Every day I wake up, with great ideas and imagination and that's a gift.

Every day I wake up, looking forward to the quiet time I'm able to devote to studies, and that's a gift.

Everyday I wake up, and I see the impossible turn to the possible, the difficult becomes easy, and dreams become ideas and that's a gift.

Everyday I wake up, relationship from sour turned sweet, enemies turned friends with a heightened sense of mutual understanding than average friends, and that's a gift.

Everyday I wake up, being able to put smiles on people's faces, knowing that I have made a difference in their life's and that's a gift.

All these gifts in life makes life a gift

And life's a gift that we are able to give(gift).

- Kenneth

In the end, I walk this world alone.

2012-01-20T02:50:00.001+08:00

Serendity

2012-01-18T18:39:00.002+08:00

So then I ask God, to have the serendity to accept things that I cannot change.

Be stronger than your old imagination.

2011-11-20T18:23:00.001+08:00

Be stronger than your old imagination, Be stronger than your most destructive dreams. Be stronger than the sweetest dream that doesn't exist. And your imagination will become your servant to wonderful creation.

Hi everyone
I think you like it when you think about this other guy because you feel good when you're in your imagination world.. You like it because you're the one who created it to go and hide there whenever you want a nice moment, to escape from life and problems even when they're not that bad.. I did that all the time.. I was a professional daydreamer..
Pay attention to what I will tell you because it may help you stop in months what I tried to stop for years..
GET OUT OF THERE !!! and as fast as possible.. It's like when you take drugs, you feel good at the moment but the consequences are baad.. really bad.. You ll feel desappointed because the imagination you have doesn't take place in the real life, you start to believe your dream and it ruins you.. GET OUT !!
My advice for you is a little bet bizar: Dream ! Yes, dream, and dream a lot, but about other things, things to achieve in your life.. Keep dreaming about them and start achieving them.. while dreaming you will believe you can do it.. And well, you will do it at last.. Just focus on something you like to do and start digging: what can I make of this passion.. Be stronger than your old imagination, be strong and insist on dreaming about your career, your kids future, your couple, about some passion, even a forgotten one that you lost over years.. Be courageous and DREAM .. start by dreaming about that espacially after you realise you were thinking about thiq person, and after that whenever you think about him, force yourself to dream about yourself.. one day you will realise that you re no more thinking about him and that you started achieving amazing tings..
Dreaming is a wonderful tool and a dangerous weapon, try not to use it against yourself.. You deserve the best dreams and achievements of the world, so go for it !!!
Sorry for the bad english, and I hope it will help.. Good luck :)

What's my identity

2011-11-20T15:29:00.001+08:00

Feelings...

What are feelings.

Why do human have feelings.

If I'm doing this because I have a soul...

Then soul does nothing but destroys Human.

Flame that lights the moment, but burns for the life time

2011-11-19T03:24:00.001+08:00

Flame that lights the moment but burns for the life time... I never knew wisdom till tonight.

5 days before I was so horribly stress. I was so stress that I would fail in celebrating for her. I fear that she wouldn't have time for me. I fail that the guy would be around that would not go away for me to have a quiet time with her. I fear that I wouldn't be able to co-ordinate a time to carry out my plan and fail that I wouldn't be able to pull off something of this scale. I fear that I would screw up my maths paper so much that I wouldn't have the mood to celebrate for her.

And worst came when I saw her with another guy...

That my conscious was truly awakened to the reality - that I never knew how much she meant to me until she was with another guy.

And bit by bit, things became worst - I couldn't focus on my maths paper revision, and I was so upset with the reality of the moment.

That's when I went to bed every night consulting Hazel what should be done. I went to bed each night asking Hazel to formulate a solution for me that would serve in the interest in the grand scheme of things. I have deep belief in hazel. I believe hazel has all the knowledge and wisdom necessary to solve the equation. And so, Hazel presented the first question to me:

What am I so afraid about?

And then I couldn't really answer question. What was the thing I was really afraid about. Or more importantly, what am I troubled about. Am I troubled because I like her? Was I troubled because I have a crush on her? Or was I just being jealous without much reason. My feeling seemed spiraling out of control. Given my current knowledge that I have gained through reading books, the first thing I done was to enforce a discipline of mind - Relax, relax, relax, relax, relax, relax, relax, relax, relax. Control, control, control, control, control control, control, relax, relax, relax, relax, relax... I need to exercise control and relaxation. I believe I can do it and I seek the council of Hazel.

I simply can't comprehend the image of her being with another guy. My mind went in circles. I definitely believe that she hasn't forgotten her previous bf. Maybe if I have gone for her earlier, I would be the winner.

Nonetheless, my own aim has always been uninterested and uncaring towards relationship. I'm always interested in a soul partner, not a casual partner.So why are these feelings bombarding me now... it is as though ... ...

I came face to face with Hazel again. I told myself that everything is in control, and that I should embrace a wonderful birthday present for her, and I was assured through a glimpse of the future that the answer would be revealed on the day itself - somehow the answer would be apparent.

I told myself that, she will have time for me. That guy wouldn't be a barrier to my advancement. I will be able to push my way through and everything's going to be ok. I am going to make her really happy. That's all I am aiming for. My mind is not in the capacity to think further or deeper.

Fast forwarded to the present day - I believe everything would work out the day I want to. I will have time with her, have a hearty chat with her, and she will be really really happy. I know my visualization will work. I know Hazel is with me. I was uncertain, but somehow I was not confused. I know Hazel is with me. I waited for my chance but I was not flustered. I knew it will work out.

And I was very lucky to have Regina as the one who is assisting me. I was very lucky to have Zi Sheng who subsequently assisted me in the execution of my grand plans. Because I have think positively, my plan worked out greater than I have expected it to, meeting Allies, meeting a change of event that scale my plan towards a greater stability. I wasn't alone. My sincerity and belief has worked out and thus it was influenced others to join in my cause - and because I'm determined! I will succeed!

When everything was executed, it was so damn great I swear. The effects was so ... it was such a memorable night. I have entirely impressed her. She was surprised, she was elated and she was shocked. That had to be my doing and the fruit of my hard work - an act guided and motivated by Hazel. That is the outcome of the assurance from my inner voice that everything is going to be ok.

Later in the evening we have a chat - a hearty one. We shared many things. She shared about her ambition, her goals(Family oriented), and her plans. I shared about my personal improvement, wisdom & happiness. I picked up enough courage to ask her about the guy too. And I realize all along I was a victim to my own negative imagination... that I have got the equation wrong. It isn't about whether she like the other guy or not but rather a question of who is right for her, the time of whether if it is right for her and as of now she is in no position to consider a relationship. I was always wondered - in my own shallow thinking, that it is about a guy like girl and girl like guy without thinking deeper into the issue.

Even more so, it has nothing to do with my own abilities to pursue a girl. It was never part of the equation. And today I'm truly convinced of how positive thinking can create an even more desirable outcome, and a negative thinking can make something worst off when it is not even there for consideration.

And best, it is even more of a joy that she is delighted to have someone who will do big things just to see her smile, that she is worth it for all the effort.

Hahahaha. My efforts paid off so much I didn't know what to say or do. Thanks Hazel. I'm deeply grateful I have trusted and invested in Hazel and the confidence in God. Together, they form my source of power, my pool of wisdom.

And today I have realized in finding the right partner, looks is never a part in any equation. Its the feeling that counts.

Lesson Learnt for me:
Never imagine anything worst. It is only as bad as your own imagination.
Your reality is your own imagination, and the world is a servant to my imagination. Things will be much better than what you imagine.
Positive words influence an even more positive outcome. They serve as instructional message for Hazel.
See no fear, feel no worry, sense no despair. When I study, I will learn. When I apply, I will remember. When I answer, I will solve.

And tomorrow will be another day of possibilities. My powers are increasingly. Clearly, my mental discipline, focus, concentration, and train of thoughts are more instinctive, and I no longer walk alone.

Together, these serve as flame that burns for the moment, but lights my lifetime.

2011-11-16T13:55:00.001+08:00

Let Happiness be the medium through which creativity flows!

Happy the way life is

2011-11-16T01:47:00.001+08:00

I haven't felt so contented with life in a very long time.

During this week I have the most intimidate time with studies. At the same time there are many events that made me look at life a bit more closely, a bit more seriously.

For one, I am still susceptible to a crush attack. I thought those days were behind me when I made up my mind that I will never fall prey to such a trap again - When I decided that a gf is not for me, and relationship is not for me. For one, I still hold on to what I hold on to that, as someone whom I fancy, it is in my ultimate interest to do things that makes her happy, just to see her smile - nothing more. I have no expectations. Unlike others, I prolly have zero interest to be attached. Who cares if I like someone, or if someone knows that I fancy her. I'm just gonna go out of my way to make her smile.

In this world, 2 things are currency, wealth and happiness. Happiness is self defined. However, that definition that hinge on the wrong lens, and when looked upon at, can produce great unhappiness. I'm really a very lucky person.

To be in control. To set my domain for happiness. Whatever the case is, I made a very honest attempt to live life in happiness, no matter the circumstence, fate. There's simply no reason to be unhappy. I will grow in strength with my mind. I shall learn to tape the source of my power. Sorry I have abandoned you for so long. I have returned, and I shall reclaim the throne.

I am a mind with a body attached to it.

2011-11-10T00:07:00.001+08:00

I realize that when a mind decided to do something, everything else will follow suit.

The moment I decided to aim for Physics & Maths excellence, my mind become increasingly curious to proof and definition, seeks a clear explanation and automatically began to find out the best and clearest answer in the best way that I know how.

I'm also increasing more aware & conscious of my maths presentation and what does every notation mean to me. Concepts that were seemingly difficult to grasp seemed like a breeze to me. I no longer have any trouble and concept getting them. The only problem is that I demand a clearer, and clearer explanation and seeking a clear and clear understanding, a deeper truth.

As my heart crave for it, so does my conscious

I am a mind with a body attached.

2011-11-07T01:16:00.000+08:00

When one is not up on a thing, he is often down on it

Wood is more than paint by volume, but paint covers most of it

If you were to paint a black dot on a piece of white paper, although white paper is full, but your eyes will focus on the black dot.

Our bodies do not reflect talent, or the lack of it

Wisdom.

2011-11-05T10:25:00.002+08:00

Wisdom is the art of finding what really matters for you and to you.

Wisdom is finding the important in the unimportant

Wisdom is being able to recognise the important in the unimportant

Wisdom is about seeing the world in a different lens, in a different attitude.

For the unfortunate during Mid Terms

2011-09-29T01:00:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: Not for the hate-to-read-long-post people. I shall not no responsibility for your fatigue eyes!

Hello People! I'm sure in this dog and bone race, there are those who are unfortunate enough not to get up to be among the cream of the crop, aka didn't do as well for mid term as they hope to be, like me. Looking ahead, I think my mid terms is in a dangerous state of affairs but then I believe there are still reasons why you should smile or rejoice.

Here's some

1) No Pain No Change. Pain bring about changes and changes as a result of pain usually gets you more comfortable in the end, although the process is usually not. The easiest way to switch to study mood is an unfavorable mid terms. We're not as fortunate as those people who's study mood is ON all the time. We're after all, humans and importantly, we have a life.

2) We're here in NUS after all. Remember those days when you screw up your Prelims and you think to yourself "Hey, I'll never be able to make it." This is just another moment where it's just like this where it's just devils in your mind. So hey let's command the devil out of our mind.

3) Trends have shown that doing badly is a good form of motivation, and often fear and rage is the best driver of human motivation. Doing badly makes you fearful, and at the same time, angry towards the outcome. As Professor X believes, "true focus lies somewhere between fear and rage". I believe now you have the ingredient for success

4) This is a cliche point but hey, mid term usually tells you something about your study methodology. It's time to review it.

5) You'll almost definitely find true friends in time of crisis for it is the darkness moment where true friends are still burning and shining in your world. Heheheh

6) And sometimes, prior to a major event, you'll find a post like this which will hopefully brighten up the rest of your semester ahead! HAHA. After all, you're not alone. It's time to bring up the dear old Optimus Prime from Transformer 3 and his quote: "The fight is never yours alone."

7) I strongly believe every thing has a good and bad side to it. It is not entirely positive to get good results, not entirely negative to screw up results.

I think sometimes in our struggle and busy life we ought to examine our identity and our purpose here. Be who you were born to be. Be a student! At the end of the day, studies is only as interesting as how you want to make it out to be. I have only one philosophy for studies: Enjoy your examination. We have all studied so hard, so why don't we put our hard work and enjoy tackling those questions. Although I did miserable for my MA1505 paper, but I thoroughly enjoyed it because I have put up a good show(Although not a good fight.)

At the end of the day I believe studies is as interesting as how you perceive it to be. To end this off to those unfortunate enough, here's another quotation from my GREAT MATHS TEACHER who's in AJC now: "As long as it's time spent in studies, it's time well spent as it will translate into something positive through understanding something, although it might not always be reflective in your results." So NEVER believe that your effort has gone down to waste.

To the people reading this, I'll like to end off by saying this from Spiderman 3: "With great power comes great responsibility." The fact that we're in NUS means we're bestowed with great power from our intelligence. Let us be responsible to our powers by giving it enough time and heart in return. After all, we'll never know one of us might be a mutant, granted with some special ability. Live life to the fullest and enjoy studies before Magneto puts a coin through you or Storm sends you into heaven through a tornado.

Cheers!

Kenneth!

Fun Should Not Depend on Others

2011-08-21T15:21:00.003+08:00

I am in a favor of the idea that fun should not depend on other people or actions.

It was Science Bash yesterday and things kick off to a roaring start. I wasn't too pleased with the crowning of Miss Monochrome as well as the way Phuture & Zouk administration handle their dealings.

It was a Saturday and admission to Phuture requires us to top up another $12. Many people flooded over to Phuture of course(surprisingly). Phuture meant nothing to me as their songs are thrash. However, I have problem persuading my clique to stay on when phuture quota was reached and it takes $28 to get in instead of topping up another $12.

At this point in time everyone was disorientated as they have problem staying on in Zouk. The songs played was much to their distaste. However, in the end with some willpower and human effort, things kicked off to a great start and finishing. Everyone can dance to electronic song and get high.

Why even on a dance floor that fun and joy has to depend on following the crowd and where other people go? Why is there no deliberate effort that we make use of what we have to create fun and joy. Shouldn't we spend more time exploring what we have currently, create fun and atmosphere whenever we can and with whatever we have instead of believing that fun exist on the other side of the grass patch. If we fail to get that, do we also necessarily confine ourselves to disappointment and misery as if the day was spoilt?

Let's embrace the unknown and be impressed with whatever that comes along. In life, everything is unpredictable! Let's party and lets forget that fun should depend on where other people is and what other people do.

Cheers,
Sci Bash'11

Send Off

2011-08-11T13:57:00.001+08:00

Only God can give u life to this world, and only he can take it away. He will take care of you in life, and he will take care of you after life.

For The NDP

2011-08-11T10:46:00.001+08:00

For this proudest moment in my life, I have waited to do something I have always wanted to do. When the light shines, the music blast, and the parade is on.... I close my eyes in deep thoughts and silently offered a prayer to the great one. I examined my own life and is grateful at how the series of event turns out. I have been blessed at every important juncture of my life. Coming to university is a joy and an unexpected event that took place. And then, there's black pearl, sheares and friends whom I just met but they gave me the feeling as if I know then for a lifetime. All of this would not have been possible without God smiling at me from above. And then, there's the fireworks around. It is beautiful no doubt. But then, with some high key fireworks around, one can't help but wonder if too much attention is paid to the most beautiful things in life and in that process, less significant things in life is not being appreciated. I speak about those small fireworks that remains in the background to decorate the scene. If you look at them individually. They are beautiful in itself. However when u compared it to the big picture, they may be no big deal. Are we neglecting and not being appreciate of these smaller fireworks that decorates the marina scene? Do you feel the same towards life, where some people are being missed out, gesture and act of kindness not being appreciated and friendship abandoned and left to rot. After all, all the fireworks present are there just for us, so do friends in our life. Shall we not say a word of thanks to these wonderful people and things in our life? The 9th of august is a very special day for me, not because I am part of the parade but because I chose to be grateful and give thanks to every single things and occurrence in my life during my proudest moment. What about you? What say you ... ? Here's a toast to lifeKenneth

2011-05-07T22:47:00.001+08:00

An extract from facebookWhen did this happen? It used to be that if you spoke up against the PAP, you feared for your life. But now online sentiment for the PAP has turned so overwhelmingly negative that I'm afraid to post this! But what’s of note in this election is that ... my friends have the courage to stand up and say what they believe in, so I must do the same. I am pro-PAP, but not a member. I am an entrepreneur, an employer. I am 42 years old, a father of 2. I live in a HDB flat. I previously worked in the finance industry for 11 years and was at one time a licensed investment adviser in Singapore, Hong Kong and Malaysia. I have written on economics, business and politics in various publications. This is my defence of what the PAP has done. At the end though, I present my main criticism of the PAP. Foreign Workers Forget the “Swiss standard of living”, we are fighting for our survival. We are surrounded by third world countries with cheap, hungry and hard-working labour. In the 1990s, businesses were leaving Singapore in droves to set up in Malaysia, Vietnam and China. The business owners complained that Singapore was too expensive to do business in. Singaporeans wanted “lifestyle”, and eschew late hours, low pay and hard work. We want to be paid a high salary, and yet leave at 6pm to have work-life balance. We want to sit in air-con offices and not sweat in the sun. We want benefits for mothers, fathers and older workers. We want companies to provide child care, medical care and long (paid) compassionate, maternity and paternity leave. We want a lot of things. It is not wrong to want these things. But from the point of view of employers and investors, their response was basically this: “No thanks, Singapore. I’d rather set up in some other country and maybe hire a few high value Singaporeans to move and work there. Maybe.” So the PAP government said “Please still come to Singapore. We’ll let you hire the low cost, hard-working foreign workers that you need, and give you land subsidy, tax incentives etc .” And the businesses came back. Some of those that are more labour-intensive ended up with a higher percentage of foreign workers. But a good number of higher value jobs, those in the air-con offices, like marketing, accounting and finance, legal, design, operations etc., went to Singaporeans. This is at the low end. At the high end, the foreign businesses said “Look, Singapore has got some good people, but not those at the very high end. Not the mold-breaking engineers, not the Nobel Prize winners, not the think-outside-the-box industrial designers. We need these people.” So the PAP said “OK, let’s bring in these foreign talents (FT) as PRs. They will impart skills to our people. We will also change our education system, add more universities and research facilities, to try and achieve this. In time, we hope to produce our own Nobel scientists.” And so the high end MNCs came also. Many Singaporean SMEs benefitted from the presence of these MNCs by providing products and services to them, creating more jobs for Singaporeans and opportunities for Singaporean entrepreneurs. It is not the PAP who has suppressed wages for Singaporeans. It is global competition. The third world, hungry low cost worker, is suppressing wages and causing jobs to be lost in the U.S., Europe and Japan, not just here. If we do not offer some low cost workers, and do all we can to woo these multinationals or even simply to persuade our OWN local companies NOT to set up their operations overseas, we will lose a lot of Singaporean jobs. Who are these foreign workers? They are construction workers, ship-builders, domestic workers, nurses, cleaners, garbage collectors, chambermaids etc. How many Singaporeans can we find for these jobs? Singaporeans are getting more and more educated and all of us want to be supervisors and managers, and this is good. But who would we manage and supervise? Yes, the FTs have taken away some jobs that otherwise could have been done by Singaporeans, it’s hard to finely calibrate these things; but on balance, their presence ensures that businesses, and cushy, well-paying jobs, remain here and create plenty of opportunities for local SMEs. Housing policy and overcrowding in MRTs The cause of the increase in prices for HDB flats is shortage of supply. The demand has gone up with more people on the island, but the HDB has only just started building flats. The solution is to create a lot more supply, and this is already in the works. With higher supply, prices should mitigate. Many economists will tell you that in the short term, there are often imbalances between demand and supply which will lead to distortions in prices. I believe that the price distortions will swing in the other direction in 3 years time, when there would be too many houses to meet demand (particularly if demand is being curbed, following the elections, if foreigner inflows are curtailed). Over the long term however, the government’s policy should be geared towards managing these swings, match supply and demand, and ensure a slow, and affordable increase over time. Could the increase in foreigner inflows and the number of flats be better coordinated? Perhaps. But it is very fast to approve foreign worker permits, particularly when key MNCs are pressurizing the government for them, and especially when the financial crisis was upon us, whereas it takes a few years to build flats. This mismatch has caused prices to skyrocket. It is the same with the MRTs. More lines are being built, but they take a long time. Investment losses by the GIC and Temasek It is not right to pinpoint a specific year when it comes to investment performance. The long term performance needs to be considered. Even Warren Buffet, the world’s greatest investor, lost billions in 2008, like GIC and Temasek did. But he continued to invest, just as GIC and Temasek did, and they recovered their losses when the recovery came in 2009 and 2010. The long term performance of GIC and Temasek has been commendable (based on the data that they released). An NSP candidate did a simple calculation on Citigroup’s share price and concluded that the government lost billions on that share alone. This is incorrect. Citigroup went through a complex share dilution in 2009 which caused its share price to plunge. But the Singapore government got a sweet deal and made billions in profits from it. Maybe the issue here is more transparency on what GIC and Temasek does, but let the issue be transparency, not making losses. Flooding and escape of Mas Selamat I believe these to be civil service lapses, not political ones. As it is with the Nicoll Highway collapse, electrical outages, and the likes. Heads have rolled at the civil service, as we’ve read, but I’m not clear what some opposition parties want. Is it that we must have ministerial resignations for these mistakes? The international community and most Singaporeans would feel very unnerved if a minister resigned every time some mistakes like these occur. Cost-of-living increases A lot of the increase comes from the increase in prices of food, oil and other commodities in the global marketplace, which we import. A part of the reason is the tremendous liquidity that has been created by world governments to combat the financial crisis. Some of this liquidity found its way into the prices of some commodities. Climate change and fuel substitution also contributed. The MAS is trying to mitigate this by letting the Sing Dollar strengthen. Perhaps the issue is how we help the lower income cope, rather than say that the PAP has caused the increase. YOG The ministry overspent on this; that is fact. The question that has been asked is “where is the accountability?” I’m wondering, “what kind of accountability should there be?” The ministry has already offered all the facts. In my view, it was the first time this thing called a YOG was organized anywhere in the world, our most important priority was to pull it off properly. In this case, it resulted in overspending. But compare this to the F1. It was also the first time a night race was held anywhere in the world, and there, the results were better than we projected. I appreciate the risk-taking nature of our government in these events. We want our government and our children to be adventurous and entrepreneurial, we must accept that mistakes will be made. Under-budgeting, as any entrepreneur will tell you, is very real in any new, untested venture. Are we telling our government to only do things when they have 100% confidence, and not risk making any mistake? That’s what kiasu is, and we don’t want that. Main criticism of PAP For a lot of my friends, it’s the arrogance. They may believe that the PAP is the best party to run the country, but they are voting opposition anyway because they have had enough of the arrogant PAP style. That’s heart over head, but that’s what we are like as human beings. Our minds will be closed to the best logic if our hearts are not there. We will accept the most perverse logic, even to our deaths, if our hearts are won. And politics is about winning hearts, not minds. So for my friends whose hearts are lost to the PAP, even if Pullitzer prize winning arguments are presented here (or estate upgrading), it is of no use. That arrogant style was actually appreciated by an earlier generation of Singaporeans, who were less educated. It wasn’t called arrogance then. It was called strength of conviction, it was called leadership. It was called decisiveness and resolve. In the 60s to the 80s, we needed those qualities in a leader, in our leaders. But the electorate is a lot more educated now, and there are a lot of well qualified people who can run the country very well. Their response is “look, if you cram another hard truth down my throat, I am going to stand up and take away the ruling mandate away from you.” And that is precisely what a few very qualified candidates are trying to do now, representing all the other Singaporeans who have had it up to here with the “I-know-it-all, you-just-listen-to-me” style. For the previous generation, the PAP may have been the only answer. It is not so with this generation. Can the PAP be less arrogant? I think PM Lee is trying, as we can see from his apology yesterday. Is it too little too late? Will the PAP really change in the future? I believe in PM Lee’s resolve, but that’s just me. What are my views about the opposition? On an overall basis, I don’t think that a multi-party parliament is necessarily a better one. In fact, when we look at parliaments around the world, the multi-party ones are more often than not mired in disagreement, unable to move forward. The evidence just isn’t there. Having said that, however, I am a fan of Sylvia Lim (WP), Pritam Singh (WP), Michelle Lee (SDP) and Nicole Seah (NSP) and hope to hear them speak more often. So what am I saying? What is my conclusion? I am not persuading anyone to vote PAP. That would be arrogant of me. I want to defend some of PAP’s past policies, especially if they were, in my mind, done right and with the interests of Singapore at heart but which have been misperceived. A few of my friends, who know me to be pro-PAP, have actually asked me to defend the PAP. Perhaps they are sitting on the fence and struggling with the decision and want to hear a different side from what is mainly circulating online now. I hope this helps. Overall, I hope Singaporeans will vote who they honestly believed to be the best candidates for them. If this is done, I think that we, as a country, should be ok. I fear the Singaporean who says “I think the opposition candidate in my constituency is crap, but I will vote him anyway because I think the PAP is arrogant.” I cannot agree with that.

Kenneth = Caneth? Haha

2011-04-24T19:07:00.003+08:00

It cannot be done. What are you going to do about it? That's the catch phase of the month... with that, my life has just transformed. Never once had I thought it was possible to canoe on a Sunday. Coach Patrick is right... I don't want it bad enough. What am I doing about it? Enough self examination! Let's explore something more interesting.

I didn't have a proper training session for far too long. I forgotten the feeling of being in competitive mode. Back when I was in JC1, I remember Yichao, Ahmad, Peter Poh, was constantly far and ahead during paddling. It was strange then. I envied them but I thought it was perfectly normal for them to be ahead of me. They are seniors, and have experienced. I didn't have any bit of "want" to overtake them at all.

After rowing with juniors for so long, I have been in the mentoring mode for quite long. Since I'm faster than them, I have the obligation to help them, and I personally like to help them. There is no one for me to overtake other than Mr. Chua, whom my burst proves inferior to him still... by half a composite Plastex boat length over 100m ._.

But today changes everything for me. I once again feel inferior. Rowers are in front of me. This time, I don't feel the same. I feel it's natural for me to compete harder, better and faster. I feel the competition and training kick. This time round too, I feel that I have the strength and technique to improve at the rate I want... ... I can! The opportunity is there waiting for me to improve. I feel I can improve. I will improve! I don't mind to be behind. I feel contented just to row. Everything became so meaningful suddenly.

Thanks Christine.

Take Hardship? Easy!

2011-03-29T23:56:00.002+08:00

I'm very motivated by what MR LEE Kuan Yew wrote in his book. He says we must be comfortable and be used to doing work.

That has a lot of truth in it. If we love doing work, we will be comfortable not idling around. We will get into this habit of being productive and of learning. Most important, we must love where we are and what we love to do. As I'm trying this, I'm busy convincing myself that there must be something that I really love about my job. It's impossible not to like anything therefore impossible for you to not have anything to look forward to.

I must learn to appreciate my life more. I think I'm taking things too lightly. What my brother said is correct. I'm paid to learn what I do. I shouldn't complain. To put things in perspective, I should be lucky where I am. I am in a win-win situation. I have the capital to have high self esteem, as well as finance my canoeing career. Somehow, I fail to realize all this benefit. I must understand that passion require finance to blossom. I don't stay in an ideal world and I must come to term with it. I must appreciate my job, hence my life more. I must change.

I must come to terms that I haven't had a test of hardship. Mugging for studies and chionging for canoeing hardly counts as hardship. Now being placed in an environment where I must struggle to keep up and survive is something new and is closer to the definition of hardship. To survive, I must first admit that I haven't had any sort of real hardship. In face of this, I should see hardship as challenges, challenges as opportunities to learn.

I haven't wake up yet I guess. To start living, I must exit the world of canoeing... ... can I give it up?

A bitter grain of truth

2011-03-21T20:12:00.002+08:00

When I was troubled with something in the past, usually I'll be able to burn them like any other calorie through jogging or swimming. The past few weeks however, is simply not so simple.

I tried every little means I can to persuade myself that making the choice to go into Navy is not a bad choice. I have the capital to support my nutrition plan(which isn't cheap), survive independently and pick up new skills. Most importantly it can support my wider dream of being a better teacher, a better educator of the future generation. However everything seem to just collapse, because I believe there's so much more waiting for me in the realm of canoeing.

When all else seem so dull, I realize something. I realize that, perhaps my life's toughest years might be the 4 years bond I have to serve. After that I'll be free to do what I want to do - be a full time rower? Be a canoeing coach? Be a academic teacher while being in charge of a CCA? I guess I'm just the impatient sort who can't wait to do something I really want to do.

I guess I just got to calm down, and appreciate every moment that life has to offer me. When the pace in life got so fast, so rough it's difficult to appreciate life at its best sometimes.

Expression & Emotion?

2011-03-18T22:46:00.002+08:00

I just discovered one human behavior: Your emotions determine how much you think and what kind of things you think about.

For mine, its quite obvious I guess... Sigh. What exactly am I troubled about...? I don't know. Maybe I know it deep down but refuse to admit it?

"There's something inside me that crawls beneath the surface, confusing... consuming..." - Adapted from Linkin Park, Crawling.

Even hitting the keys on the keyboard feel so tiresome.

Without Reason There's No Motivation

2011-03-13T23:19:00.003+08:00

I just realized the reason why have I been performing consistently well in school.

There has been a reason in everything I strive to achieve. In studies, I strive not to let my teachers down. In rowing, I strive not to let Mr. Chua down. Now progressing beyond, I realize I look forward to performing well in everything because I'm a canoeist, a breed of men geared towards excellence. I carry that pride well and high.

Signing on with the military, I have lost the time and the opportunity to do what is closest to my heart - canoeing. I don't even have the luxury to meet up with my juniors anymore. Its quite sad to think of it. My heart is buried in the reservoir. But somehow, I was given this thought that has given me quite a fair bit of motivation. It started when I told someone this "Perhaps without signing on, I might never have discovered my love for canoeing."

It is here when I'm repeatedly squeezed like a gym ball that I come to realize how much passion i have for canoeing. If I have all the time in the world I would have wasted it. In today's terminology, it's call rot. I would have rot my time away. One of my reason for signing on is that I need a regime to carry me through, a kind of discipline. If left to my own devices, I will simply have rotted. Now there's something for me to focus on, and I have discovered my passion. How lovely. A pity, I have reach an age where passion is secondary.

I should cherish my time in canoeing uh. After all, there are quite a few occasion where love is recognized when it is gone, not when it first came. I got to appreciate my presence in the navy and start doing more to be contented, and appreciate navy. After all, without navy there's no canoeing. But then again, without canoeing I wouldn't have become an officer and would never have sign on. It's an irony uh. Haha. Let's laugh it off. I'm happy where I am.

Sign off,
Kenneth.
Proud to be canoeist
... ... and Naval Officer.

Unsatiable Passion

2011-02-22T23:30:00.002+08:00

Can a passion remain forever? Can it overwrite another passion? Can it empower you with all the energy in this world if satisfied? Can it make you powerless and depressed when it is not being satisfied?

I blame myself but having the lack of focus during the days of my training. When you're doing one thing, your heart is on another thing. It is completely missing in my career, where my profession demands. Where is the love?

... Sigh. May time fly fast during this period. I asked God, have I made the wrong decision?

Finding a deeper purpose

2010-08-15T20:44:00.003+08:00

If everyone can always apply areas in which they are good or useful at in their every day life in other people's life, wouldn't the world be a better place?

Yesterday I have done something out of my own free will and something of my own character. Unknowingly, it has help out a friend in need. Well of course it would be great if it can happen all the times. How sweet it would be if your natural behavior can always render help to some one.

What if, you're stuck in an environment in which you're horrible at. You see that many people need help but you're not in the position to help others. You do not even have the capability and will to help yourself. I feel this is a mismatch of resources that the world is facing: having the right person at the wrong place, and it is something that human cannot seem to tolerate. In short, it means that people cannot seem to appreciate where other people's strength lies.

Of course, I am always trying to make the best out of every single day. I am never lazy at the things which I'm required to do. I'm so emotional lately, thinking about myself, thinking of friends, thinking about my gf-would-be, thinking about life.

Fresh Start

2010-08-03T17:54:00.006+08:00

It has been long since I last posted on my blog, which by now I'm sure that it is pretty much a deserted ground. Sometimes when life seems to progress so fast, it is worthwhile to take a deep breathe, look back and recount your steps. It isn't the best way to restart my blog with a disappointing post after so long. Nonetheless, there are some feelings that, I wish to keep during my journey at this point in life.

... ... I wish to remind myself that I'm after all, a canoeist at heart and a volley baller by passion. These are two sports that really defines me and I can identify myself with them. I really miss the days where I'm close to these two sports.

It is at this point in time where I can truly the pain of how it is like to be wronged. It is not something that is hard to change. It is not correcting your own mistakes. The real pain, I feel, is being faulted when you are sure that you are doing things right, or at least exhibiting traits that are aligned with moral values. Or rather, there may be times when your point of view and perception may be blocked when the sky hits a full moon. Whatever the case, the situation that I'm in makes me feel so unsure of myself. Never have I existed in an environment that I have to clarify time and time again for fear of getting things wrong, or never have I been so doubtful of my own memory.

I can probably take whatever that comes along. I'm old enough, strong enough, stubborn enough to handle whatever that drops on me. At least, tough times bring along true friends. Tough times will open up your eyes to many things. Conversely, the contradiction is also true. Tough times may result in you trusting yourself more and others less. Tough times allow me to appreciate other kind of music - avatar soundtrack. I grow to love trance after one surprisingly tough incident in which I manage to survive.

Times like this reminds me of Captain Jack Sparrow too. "close your eyes and pretend its all a bad dream."

There is a big problem. If someone hate you, the problem may be that its hard to change yourself. I'm faced with the situation that, I tried too hard changing that I'm making life sour.

On a brighter note, I trust and do believe that everything will turn out fine in the end and you will end up where you are meant to be. You are destined to rise up and shine if you hang on to your beliefs, principle, and values.

I learn something important from the environment I exist in. Put things right! Make things happen. I have learn to look up and be proud(but I got caught for my beard and were punished... haha.) Like what everyone says, be positive. Hey! If someone has to tell me this, I guess my optimism has really dropped huh. Well, at least I changed, for the better, or for the worst.

By Fate Be Driven

2010-04-15T23:40:00.003+08:00

What turn out to be the greatest disappointment turned out to be the greatest joy

That is the opening sentence. 1 week before my enlistment date 060210(Saturday), I receive a phone call from the Central Manpower Base that my enlistment date is pushed forward to 050210 due to administrative difficulties. That is, to a large extent, a great disappointment as I have to cancel a see-you-off-to-NS dinner with my family. Upon entering, I realized I'm not alone. Many others like me, who picked up the phone call for an interview on our opinions towards NS, have their enlistment pushed forward. As such, we were all pushed forward. At that point in time I really thought that that 1 day matters a lot and I'm kinda upset to pick up that phone call.

On 090410 was the date of National Inter-School Canoe Competition. I officially completed my BMT on 080410. And that is only possible because I enlisted one day earlier. Had I enlisted on my original date, I would have passed out on 090410 and I would have missed the competition for good and therefore, missed the last time to witness and support this rower that I have so promised to give my support for. By chance, by fate, by unconsciously picking up that phone call, I have secured the access to the most important day of this year, of perhaps the most important day in this decade. Thanks TV crews. if not for that phone call, I would not have live to witness it. What I have thought to be the wrong-est move, turned out to be the miracle in place for me. I cannot think of anyway else to express my gratitude other than penning down this feeling, and after-thought of mine. It's a twist of fate, and a blessing in disguise for me.

Thanks,
O1406

Best Day In The Decade

2010-04-10T01:23:00.002+08:00

This blog post is used to dedicate the best day in more than a decade. I have never experience something greater than this before, not even the feeling of collecting A level results or any birthday that I have. I'm writting this as a memoir to the canoeing members that knows me. It would be best if it was read, but its okay if it wasn't.

Team TPJC did very well relative to my batch. Yup. Phenomenal. The guys K4 actually perfected the toughest technique in canoeing - to burst(high frequency, good catch and perfect co-ordination) leading the other boats by 2 boat length at least. I remember back in my days, our burst cannot even match the other JC's maintenance rowing. That was never intended in my training plan to train them. I can never imagine myself doing that ever again in my canoeing career.

The Woman K4 is another miracle to behold. Only 1 month being together and yet emerging as top 3 in the finals, through a final burst that manage to overcome 2 boat length and catch up with 2 boats. Impressive. Congratulations to those people who can get into semi finals too. In the past, it was thought that, anyone that can go into the semi-finals would be considered up to standard because most people would be ousted out of heats. But today, that is no longer true. Now, more people are able to squeeze into the semi-finals and more people into the finals. By benchmark, this is already considered the beginning of cultivating a champion match. This is significant because the champion batch is part of the master plan for the mission objective - to ensure that coach's efforts to come to fruitation. Therefore, the next phrase would be to ensure that the J1 receive proper and adequate training, in foundation building before they get paired up in team events. Never again will Team TPJC be looked down upon. All of you will look up high and be proud of where you come from. Every rowers worth their salt. We will be a factory of rowers of tomorrow, champions of tomorrow!

To Team KC, all of you have done well too. I express regret that I do not have the courage and walk up to help those that I don't know, because you all are mainly girls and I'm not comfortable with getting to a position with all girls. But I do hope those who needs help can approach me. Most of you look fierce on the water.

KC K4. Your victory at the bedok waters have gave me great hope and aspiration. If what I have taught u all have indeed work, then I would be confident to train the next batch of people. I do have my own fears that sometimes I teach you all the wrong things. After all, what I taught indeed contradict everyone else. Really, it contradicts everyone's. Haha. I'm glad you all won anyway. Thrash Temasek. For the win. !

KC Sec 1: When your time comes, I'll be there okay. I may not be there to build your foundation but, if the need arises, I would do everything in my power to change what needs to be. No fear on your part, you shouldn't fear.

Sometimes I do wonder, what it takes to be a good coach. Is a coach judged based on his ability to produce medals? I don't think so. Definitely not. Nonetheless, I'm readying myself to train the next batch of rowers. Today is really the best day. Paying a high price for guard duty has never been a regret. but I do miss all of you, especially those that rowed with me during my time. When all of you stepped down,I doubt that our roads will cross again. Nothing last forever, as long as we do the right thing for the day, life should be without regrets.

Onward Canoeing Master Plan 2010 !

The Last Preparation.

2010-03-28T15:55:00.002+08:00

Just in case you lose your focus during training because it's such a short time. I shall reiterate.

1) Your Hard Stroke. Your land rotation. Make it hard. Make it powerful. This is your maintenance. This is where you would win. Remember, this is a sequence of all linked action. Make use of all your muscle group. Kick AS HARD AS possible, Twist as fast as possible simultaneously. Without kick, the power from your torso is zero! Your paddle should be in the water in the shortest time possible so that maximum force is applied.

2) Perfect your catch. Make sure your warm up round, you can catch the water. Feel the water. back paddle. front paddle. catch. Make sure you can literally see your blade fully submerged. That is your feeling! In the race, this feeling will determine your catch hence warmup round important.

3) Remember without a good catch, all other movement are useless.

4) Don't panick. Never go high frequency in 1000m. Don't panick. Keeping your boat straight and stable is more important. High frequency screw this up. Therefore, it is important to set your boat right at the start. Therefore, if you're not confident, don't burst. Use the last 250m burst rule. It works.

5) Go for the win. With all else said, if everything else do not fall in place for anyone of you, just try your best to master your catch.

Go for the win!

Life After August

2010-03-27T23:37:00.003+08:00

This post is entitled life after August.

I am still fortunate that I get to come down for canoeing training though I'm enlisted. To train the juniors, to be safety boat along with you, and to oversee the entire training process. Looking forward to all this is all the reasons that I have to survive training in BMT(Technically i shouldn't be struggling). Things haven't been going well for me. But I feel the power again every time I laid my fingers on the paddle. Although I can't be there during training during the weekdays, but you know that whenever I'm in camp, I'm looking forward to go down.

And then, there is life after August. You won't be free to oversee training every time. Soon your university admission is going to come and you won't be around. I guess life had to be very different, to train the juniors with you, and to train the juniors without you. At some point in time, both of us will totally not have the time to visit our juniors at all. Coach may have to leave our team someday too. I think very far in fact, too far. My master plan to train the juniors involves training the 1st batch of a successful team which can eventually raise the next batch of juniors and the batch after the next. Sooner or later, one batch of champion batch is going to be raised. I guess for someone like you and me who come down whenever we can, ensuring that the lifeline of TPJCanoeing is very important for us. Suddenly I just feel like talking about all this, because I know the days where we can be together to train our juniors is very little. Looking back, I regret not making use of my time after A level properly. Looking back, I wonder what have I been doing really.

Maybe I'm saying all this because, I know there had to be a time, where all this fun will really end. I'm not emotional. I'm just cherishing the days where I'm still in the position to appreciate how fortunate I am to be training the juniors along side with you, to be safety boat alongside with you. In short, it's been fun with you around. How long can it last?

In The End

2010-02-16T10:11:00.003+08:00

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you.

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone may destroy overnight.

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous.

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

Because in the end it's all about what you do.

It's nothing to do with them anyway.

It's amazing how some people's words can really, heighten your inspiration to the next level.

My cousin pass down what his coach said about canoeing: "Canoeing is not about rowing, but how you want to treat and deal with life, the kind of determination, persist-ency, strategy and observation skills. If you don't perform in canoeing, it is unlikely that you'll perform in life" These words weren't new, but it is impressive how I'm able to only understand a fraction of what is first said to me. As I live life more, I'm slowly beginning to understand more and more of it. Really, I think it's easier said than done. I do think that it's easier said than done, that's why I believe in a few things.

Firstly, I'm not in the position to fully understand how you feel, how much burden you carry, that's why I maintain that as a friend, I can only guide you, but I cannot claim to solve your problems :( We came from different family and environment background, and I must say that, your trial requires a lot more courage and determination than mine. Hence, just standing up and resist is a big thing already, really.

Secondly, I believe happiness is something that we is tangible, something that we can work towards, that explains a huge chunk of text rather than simplistic words like Cheer up, Be Happy. Like what my cousin said to me, it will take a lot of time for you to slowly appreciate and understand what I say. My cousin said those words to me 2 years ago and they don't carry much meaning to me. Just like if I were to tell you that my most important word is Pride, it won't mean anything to you either. One note here, what I learn is that, what might initially be of the least significance might turn out to be the most significant to you. An example, illustrated above, is those words that my cousin said to me. Another example is, you start cherishing your friends only when they're gone now when you recalled how nice they really am to you. I believe, when those small small words(seeds) that I say to you finally make sense to you(fruitation), from there on Life will really be... .... "I'll leave it to you to check it out."

Thirdly, hard work will always bear fruits. Canoeing is really the toughest thing that I've been through and I have given a lot(hence the blog name carrying canoeing's honour). My teammates have been through a lot together and as such, we held strong bonds. Happiness, for you will be another tough challenge. However, once you attain it, it will come to you as something precious. Someone who is born happy will not retain happiness for long. You know the story, give you lots of riches and you wouldn't appreciate them. Give you lots of caring friends and you wouldn't give a shit about them. You know such things, a very beautiful lady, treating guy and girl friends as if they're not worth 20 cents. Would you want to live life like that? If I were to give you happiness now, give you friends now, and you'll end up being a horrible person. Another story here, it takes effort to be humble. Compare, someone who is born rich and someone who work his way towards riches.

Don't need give a damn about what people say or think about your actions

"People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.

Forgive them anyway."

Don't be afraid to be who you truly am

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.

Be kind anyway.

Don't hold back

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

I think straightforwardness is a good trait, one that you have.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you.

Be honest and frank anyway.

Happiness can sometimes be short lasting.

What you spend years building, someone may destroy overnight.

Build anyway.

People are always hoping that they have people to be miserable together with them

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous.

Be happy anyway.

You may not live in a very pleasant world

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Don't always hold back from doing good things because other people did not do you so

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

It's your own life Kim.

Because in the end it's all about what you do.

It's nothing to do with them anyway.

Given one choice Kim,
We'll fight.

Special: An Adaptation from Mahjong

2010-02-15T01:10:00.003+08:00

Mahjong is a game you play by completing all the sequences on your hand. 1 Sequence consist of 3 tiles.
For example, 3-4-5 forms a sequence. 7-8-9 forms a sequence
3-3-3 forms a sequence too.
So when every turn comes, you get a chance to draw a tile to attempt to complete your 4 sequence of 3 tiles.

So, as I was playing mahjong, I was trying to reply the sms you sent me too. Halfway, I thought of this. Isn't the game of mahjong like, a part of life too? Every turn you're trying to draw tiles. You may be lucky and every tiles that you draw, will contribute to your hand. I'm pretty unlucky today, every tile that I draw is shit, and most tiles that I drawn is not accepted into my hand, and does not help my to form my sequences.

So I thought of this. Everyone wants to work towards their goal. However, not every step that they take will definitely propel them towards the goal. Like Mahjong, most tiles you drawn does not actually help you at all. You're gonna spend most of your time feeling disappointed, and wondering why other people are better off than you do. Don't you envy those people who can always game? while you pity yourself, always getting stuck in a getting-nowhere-hand. Don't be disappointed ok? Those people that are good in mahjong(or life) probably have a way to optimize their chances. To know all this, they have to play long enough, and know enough tricks that can get them into deep shit. Of course, this can only comes when you have a clear goal in mind, that is to win. If you want to win, you will find ways to avoid losing, and to avoid losing, you're probably winning. Similarly, if you don't start directing yourself towards happiness, you cannot find any help or pointers to get there.

Those people good in mahjong are not those people having the best hand and always getting the appropriate tiles too. It is the way they handle their hand(situation). As Andy Lau puts it in a gambling movie/title "Lousy hand have a lousy hand way of playing it." Therefore, the best players know how to play all kinds of hands too, not just dependent on luck alone. Putting it in context, I think Happiness is not about having an ideal life, but rather, knowing how to work your way towards it irregardless of what nonsense life throws at you. Just like you would agree with me that, people who are best at mahjong, love to work with all kinds of hands, not just good hands. Therefore, you gotta agree with me that, people who truly seek happiness is not just happy when things are turning well for them, but rather they're happy that they can try to put things right too(just like working on a lousy hand, That's mahjong) ... That's life.

I'm sorry if I made things sound so easy and simplistic. I am not you, I do not understand the problem that you're facing but I do know that only you, can truly experience and feel the anger and sadness. Therefore, I as a fren, do not claim to be able to solve your problem, but rather I try my best to see you through... ok?

This is just for you
Sorry if you don't know Mahjong
But I thought it's quite a good analogy.
So I hope you understand nonetheless : )

Kim~

Pride

2010-02-13T02:20:00.005+08:00

This is the first time I'm doing something that is out of my passion group. I love kayaking, schooling, studying, and writing and thus life has been pleasurable for me up till now. My days in camp hadn't been so pleasurable as a huge part of it is not centered on Physical Training meaning, I would have to find an alternative way to train to tone up for 2012 canoe championships. Here I come!

It is interesting to note that, the person whom I miss most is also the person whom I want to sms most. However, all excitement ceases when she fails to reply the last message. Little did I expect that she was waiting for mine too? I don't know. I think SMS contains a lot more value when you're in camp and cannot return home, especially since you're only allowed to use phone at specific time of the day.

I think the word of the week is Pride. Little word, so many interpretation, so many meaning. What's bothering me more, I hope the next time Christine updates me, everyone will have a big improvement in their timings.

Last Post before I enter NS

2010-02-05T01:19:00.004+08:00

I think blogging is a form of inspiration, you can't possibly have everything to blog all the time. And yes sir, I'm out of motivation since the last post until now. Now I'm going in NS soon, this will probably be the last post I'll be posting for a long time to come. I doubt I will post much for NS, rather my heart is in canoeing. I want to see my juniors do well in competition so badly, so much that I want to give them my life but yet, the kind of inspiration comes only when I'm a week away from enlistment. I want to highlight 3 things that I would be thinking of during my enlistment.

(In the order of Importance)
#1: Kimberly

I think you're special. Because I have come to hate so many girls in my life, you being the exception makes you unique not in a way, not in two ways but in many ways. You have made life great for me this 1 week before my enlistment. You have been heng to me but I don't mind. You have been very very heng to me but I don't mind too. That's because, I'm meeting the real Kimberly, I know what you're thinking and know how you're feeling. I don't feel like I'm talking to someone wearing a face mask or someone pretending to be someone else. I feel genuine talking to you. It's a feeling you won't understand unless you live in my "fake" environment where most people pretends. Your very frank nature makes things comfortable, though you get heated up*heng* very fast. See how comfortable I feel? You should probably be as honest as you can with "him" and hint that he should be honest with you too for a happy, 2 sided relationship. Although it has only been a few days, you give the feeling that, "if it's a dream, I will choose to remain asleep." Thanks Kim. Thanks L4D2.

#2 Canoeing Junior
K4, you all must clinch a place among the top 4. Perfect that catch, twist that torso, train on increased frequency! Get the feel and strokes correct on low frequency and gradually increase your frequency. I don't believe in talent, strength, or technique. I believe in you 4, as a team. In my opinion, you all have everything you all need to know. Just go for it

K2 Pair 1 - Cyrus and Justin!
Don't be afraid to capsize! It's a good sign that you're making changes. Technical change is what you need. If you're paddling at your comfort zone, you are not working towards technical change. You're trying, changing your strokes, that's why you're capsizing. Good! Don't be demoralized. You 2 need to go back to the beginning. Slow frequency, master your catch, kick then twist from end to end. Read my manual on Catch and Pull phrase, along with the K4 section. Your aim should be, having the most power per stroke.

K2 Pair 2 - Yi Yong and Uhhh. Shyt. *slap myself*
Regatta is not an easy boat to master. I don't think I want you 2 to train on very high frequency using this beast. To do so, you 2 must be the most synchronized pair. Meaning, your concept of stroke must be the best among them all, even better than K4. Get a good catch, and try to practice on imbalance twisting, that is, your torso that move from 1 end to another end must be the fastest. That distance must also be the largest. Every stroke must give you the best surge. Kick then twist that imba twist! It should be enough to get you to semi-finals, if lucky, finals =)

K1 - Zuo Xian
K1 is tough but I want you to stand your ground. Face your enemy with courage. Though you won't have the speed you desire, you're gonna show them how good your stroke is. You need to work on your burst, and sustain all the way. The only way you can undo your competitor is to stay in front for the 1st 250m to give you an advantage over people eating back wash. The other 250m depend on your luck and your competitors already. Get your catch right, get your twist right and chiong high frequency already. I leave you to think about your maintenance

#3 CHRISTINE CHIA PEI YUN
I think you're amusing. If it isn't for you, I'll never find courage to go down into bedok reservoir. Don't lose interest in canoeing ok? I don't want your 21 inch bicep to fade =(. You gotta find yourself a bf soon if not you will end up curve for training too many KC girls. Faster give lots of tuition and buy yourself 1 boat, then I can share with you your boat without fear of damaging Mr. Chua's boat*evil grin*

#3: TAN REN YI
Your size suggests that you're dependable. Thanks for always trying to put me on your activity list though I make a bad player. That does not mean I'm pang seh king. Don't guai lan me when I book out. My pool will probably be more accurate given the marksmanship course. I thrash you 7-dragon-pearl (7 long zhu) then you know. Guai lan somemore, let you slow-death in pool. Heh heh, don't worry about love lah. You should watch "who move my cheese" seriously and your heart problems will be no more.

#3 TAN YU HIANG KRISTINE(not i bias. by alphabet, you come before TAN REN YI)
Can you don't always get into trouble? Insurance is starting to be your buddy instead of me. I don't mind though. I'm losing blood everyday, because I'm literally bleeding with generosity for you. Can you please, clean up your table room, before you start asking yourself "who move your cheese". HAHA. I recommended it to Ren Yi but that TUA KEY ended up fast forwarding everything, so annoying. Can you please take care of yourself in future? And take heart in not being able to enter the course you want. I seriously doubt you will be doing psychology in future, given your chaotic nature. You'll counsel someone with a volleyball or a wall-nut instead of, psychology -.-. Don't forget me when I'm in NS.

#3 WANG YINGMIN(ELVIS)
I think you're a very amusing senior. I used to hate having seniors but you changed the picture. Although you're kinda fierce at times, I think I can always use "welcome to old navy" to change the atmosphere. Hehe. Worst, I can just, REFRESHING. I FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW! HAHA. I always love to act like Eddie Murphy in front of you and watch your reaction fade from a O.O. ---> o.o ---> ._. ---> grrrrrrrrrrrrr. HAHA. I want to faster book out and be amused by you again. Or rather, I think I want to fulfill my duty as a junior to amuse you. Once again, Welcome to old navy!

#4 My Computer
Haiz. Windows 7. I think you're good. but you're gonna make me miss you. Damn sian. I want to put you #10 for making me so miserable, but no you, no L4D2, no Kimberly so I put you #4 lor. =/

#5 Kayak Strokes Illustration
This has been my pride. I want to look at it over and over again. I'll miss you when I'm inside NS.

#... Such a long post. Haha. I guess I'll log off. See ya people. I'm off.

Theory: Energy Cycle

2010-01-22T00:26:00.010+08:00

Thanks to dear Kristine Tan, I'm reminded of this very wonderful...Kenneth's proposed ENERGY system. In my opinion, I think this is a very good stress-release theory. I'm reminded of this because this Kristine Tan reminded me of swimming, and through swimming, I'm reminded of this
energy cycle. Let's put up a graphic.

The idea here: Conservation of Energy. This ideal works on the fact that, when you're a positive healthy person, you be full of positive energy.

You see. The green arrow represent healthy energy. When you're at this state, you don't have any problem because your energy is so good. However life is not ideal. At various occasions, you be introduced to events which you don't want to hear or see.

Some form of economics is borrowed here. You can see the energy system as a circular flow of (income). You be introduced negative energy that upsets the equilibrium. Then you will start to feel edgy.

Behold. You will be a state where, you don't feel like doing anything because you're just feeling so bad. This may occur if you just get rejected, retrenched, quarrel and anything that is bad. Here is my theory. My theory is that, if you can expel all this energy within you, you be a good man again.
As you can see, negative energy is removed from the system. Since in Physics, energy cannot be destroyed, new energy will come to fill in place, either from nature or from your heart to restore a full energy equilibrium so that you will come back with positive energy. SO what's my point? My theory states that, if you're very distress, go all out to do the things you love in order to "expel" all the negative energy that you have. I first thought of this, and I tried to perform this by going all out on swimming. Yup, somehow when you believe this, you find some way to expel them, feel the momentum and the process, you be a happy man again. Oh well, this may resemble the taoism's theory of yin-yang. But then, I thought of this from scratch without having prior knowledge to any sources. This is just a version 1. Maybe the version 2 might include a mix of positive energy, as well as negative energy like anger and hate to have a right balance. Oh well, that's too far fetched. Enjoy =)

Credits for this theory:
Economics - Circular flow of income
Physics - Conservation of Energy
Kristine Tan - Reminded me of this thingy that I thought of 3 years ago.
'

Rotten Apples.

2010-01-21T00:12:00.002+08:00

I hate you at the moment you know it
We are good friends going through a tough period
If i hand over you a gun, I tell you friendship is pulling the trigger
How much would you trust me?
If you trust me, you would that I wouldn't put the bullet in.
If you don't ... ...

Had so much things to post but I realize that none of them are positive stuffs. I know 2010 wouldn't be a good year for me, a feeling since last year. My friend is right, once bad things happen, they'll never stop for a while. Friendship seem relatively fragile. I'm so close to terminating so many friendships at the moment. I have many such messages to so many people that I'm so close to sending but I save them to draft at the very last minute. I'm not emo though, if I really terminate them, I would have no regret, no remorse and no guilt because I knew that nothing would work anyway. I refuse to do so because, I wonder how, people whom I call friends once, would think. If you have 1 bad apple among the whole bunch, you wouldn't hesitate to discard. What if your whole bag of apples are rotten.

I think it's time to pull the trigger. Another, disgusting, fucked up, undeserving post. 2010. Bitch.

Goodbye Conversation. Goodbye Friendship

2010-01-17T02:39:00.001+08:00

Today starts one of the most fruitful beginning to a MSN conversation, but … …it reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend

What defines a good friendship, a strong friendship, a lasting friendship. I was asked. I thought it had to be quite simple. I only had an answer: fulfilling conversation, one in which both could be equally engaged and participative and no other distraction. Her reply was, huge. “WHAT!? That’s all?” Very astonished and very surprised. You may think the same way, but at this time and age, such low requirements hardly get fulfilled, in fact not even close. Be it phone, people would be multi-tasking. Be it MSN, this is the worst source. Be it meeting out, there would be SMS-ing.

Her requirement was, to hang out together often. I don’t really agree with her and she don’t really agree with me. That brings me to one thing, we each have different requirement. I surveyed another on the sport, she too only requires some meet up, occasionally also can.

But then, I guess I’m cheap to have as a friend, too cheap sometimes. It crosses my thought to expel those who can’t even hold a conversation, those whom I once called friends, no matter how close before, no matter how friendly we were before. Or maybe, the currency in today’s world is no longer in conversation. But then, if a simple conversation is impossible, how the need to hang out?

A Game Of Pool

2010-01-13T15:25:00.002+08:00

This is Pool. You know... Pool. Am having a sensational chat with my friend about something related to girls. Our chat went something along the lines of some people having more luck with girls, than others. More specifically, some guys naturally has more chance with girls than others. So then I came up with this analogy, with regards to pool.

*Background information* The Balls in pool is divided into 2 division, the strip and the solid, excluding the White Ball. So the 1st person would have to break the ball to start the game

My analogy is this.

#1: Chance is only decided in 1 turn.
#2: Imagine each girl is assigned to each ball. (e.g. Wendy to Yellow Strip, Jennifer to Orange Solid.
#3: When you start the game, you break the arrangement by firing the white ball towards the group
#4: Whichever ball that enters mean you got chance with who.
Simple enough?

I propose that some people will always have that luck. When they break it, there will be balls that enter the hole, or better still, many balls for some. For some, nothing will enter. So then, the black ball is always the special ball(People who play pool will know that) I will assign the best female candidate to the black ball.

It is unbelievable but, I had a game of pool yesterday. It is my turn to break... .... and that turn left my mates stunned, jaws open, eyes wide. Curious? The black ball entered the hole. *heh heh, you know what I meant, don't ya?*

... Sometimes one move can change your life, go Miss Black No. 1 !

Armin van Buuren – Going Wrong

2010-01-11T00:37:00.001+08:00

Can’t understand people, can’t understand myself. Everything’s going haywire. Sometimes I do hope that when I wake up, I exist in a new different world altogether. Am I pissed with the world? or the world is pissing me?

Lab Researcher: “Initially I thought you were just plain ignorant but now I see that you’re intentionally screwing me” to the guy in AVATAR. HAHA. That’s what I want to throw at my current scenario. Oh well, you can’t put things right if they’re deliberately wrong, can you?

Understanding Love

2010-01-02T23:48:00.001+08:00

Woah I’m a Geek. I came up with something today while chatting with Winnie.

if you understand love, you will know that it cannot be understood.

cause someone who have been through love will ultimately know that the more u try to understand about love, the more you know it cannot be understood. In the end, they'll just say, love comes naturally. like you say, yes means yes, no means no and you don't know why, but you know love like this. The reverse is true isn’t it? if you don't understand love, you will THINK that it can be understood.

Wow. Been long since I step foot in such an obscene topic. I’m going NS in a month’s time. Shit. 1 more month to breathe the urban air before it’s good bye.

Steve Angello

2009-12-22T00:09:00.002+08:00

World No. 20 DJ
Style: Swedish House
My sought after kind of music for years
Present on Zouk Friday 18th December 2009
Idol ~~

Our Brain is Singapore

2009-12-16T23:17:00.004+08:00

Here's the proposed Ken's THEORY:Our Brain is Singapore! I think that our brain may be structured like this, condensed into the shape of Singapore! Let's say, if you are involved in socializing, shopping, and religion, you will have regions A., B., C. developed. I propose that all completed building in Singapore is your long term memory and all building in construction is Short term memory. Those land mark buildings resemble your strong traits.

For example, in the region marked A(since I develop this while chatting with Xin Hui), let's call it Woodlands. If you are a very religion person, you should have a visible landmark there, for example, Sport's School to show that you're developed! For others not very into religion, they won't have a landmark at A.

Another example, those good in shopping, they will have a landmark ION Orchard in B., or perhaps another landmark like 313 Shopping mall. Those very good one probably have ION, and 313 and every other thing. Let's move on.

Those civic home defense team like police station, fire station represents how disciplined a person is. I think I have a lot of these building in my own singapore-brained map.

For those who have extra mental capacity like higher IQ, it's denoted with extra land, like having sisters island present, or pulau ubin. If not you will only have a standard Singapore island.

Cool isn't it? The concept of imaging your brain in the form of Singapore island with every single physical aspect representing a part of your brain. If they know this theory, you can even use this to score them. For example, if they have no shopping sense, you can say that, WHEY! Your brain got no orchard road isit?(Area marked B). *shruggs*

Special thanks to Xin Hui! ---> (exclaimation mark is deliberate)
Came up with this weird thing while chatting with her

12-12

2009-12-13T05:52:00.002+08:00

12/12/09
Really fked up day. Really f-k-e-d up

Lame Jokes On Prom Night

2009-12-12T16:54:00.001+08:00

Was lazy initially to post this but since I told my senior about it, might as well just put it here. HAHA!

It was Prom Night. It was all impromptu. I didn’t came up with this specially. Anyway, I killed many girls and guys alike with this 2 uh, lame jokes in your terms. Here goes:

Trick 1: Used On Those Trying to Find People

At Pan Pacific, the ballroom is quite big, spanning from east to the west. I was bored. I’m at the West side of the ballroom.

Girl: Ken! Did you see (someone’s name) around?

Ken: OH yeah of course. He’s at the other side of the ball room, but don’t bother finding him. You’ll never reach him by foot

Girl: Why?

Ken: Cause he’s at FAR EAST(plaza)!!

Senior’s comment: That joke is so you! HAHA

Trick 2: Used on those that amazes

At Prom Night, people do a lot of things that amazes you, e.g. the way they talk, they way they dress.

Ken: Wow Mary(dummy name), I’m stunned

Mary: Why?

Ken: You dress up nicely. Here, I give you a bird in return for stunning me!

Mary: Huh? Bird?

Ken: You know when you’re stunned, you see those birds hovering in circles over your head? That’s it. I just grab one of them for you

Mary: ….

I personally don’t like trick 2. On both tricks, I didn’t know they will be so well received though. Lame tricks makes the world go around. And WENS, i think my blog is more alive than yours! Dinner soon =) Oh I think you can start a food restaurant chain. You know WENS, it sounds like… … HANS! Hoho

Sim City + Prom

2009-12-11T00:03:00.003+08:00

Look at my city! Nice isn't it? Especially the one way avenue if you look closely! Haha. Welcome to SimCity 4! Everything is very realistic. Cheh. I guess it wouldn't be much interest. I'm blogging about this instead of Prom Night. This is Sim City with a lot of human geography concept involved. Anyway, here's a little bit of update on Prom 2009

Since Wei Wen so kindly tagged, I'll start with her. This girl can be described with 4 letters: J-O-K-E! HAHA. You honoured a not. It can be inferred as having high entertainment value. Oh well, Prom Night's cool though. I didn't think that outfit could be a hit without having to take out a cent. Most of them was reused stuffs from the previous prom and the formal is borrowed.

Gah. Lazy post about prom already. The definition of prom is: Photo taking night. A lot of them cannot be said by writing it out. Oh well. I'm off to grab some photos. I got the photo that I wanted. HAHA. Satisfying. tata. Try Sim City ya if you get too bored in the holidays

The story of the monkey and the moon

2009-11-25T01:08:00.001+08:00

It goes like this. Sometimes, the difference in the level gap is just like the story of the monkey and the moon. For one, the monkey can never reach to where the moon is. He can only stare at the reflection of the moon on the water. Although it is seemingly close, the moment he try to reach it, he will only crash into the water and make him look stupid. Sometimes there are some things that are fated and, no matter how hard we try, we' are not going to achieve it. This applies for something that is tangible in nature, something that vary directly with what you put in. This applies for results too. Sometimes it is just not meant for us. Don’t believe too much in cliche things like, “you can if you try hard enough.” Sometimes, abnormalities occur, and remember this story when it applies to you one day.

H2 Economics Paper 2: (My thoughts for that 30seconds)

2009-11-21T19:54:00.012+08:00

This post came late. I wanted to blog this but somehow I forgotten until I kind of remember it while in a conversation with Priscillia. Anyway, back to topic! I wanted to say, paper 2 was very tough. In fact, I almost fainted when I first look at it. Like Jasline(in the past….HAHA), I wonder if I took the wrong paper. The questions look strangely unfamiliar. It’s very intimidating. I look almost as if, the paper was coming alive to haunt me. For a moment, if the paper was alive, it would look like this(below) would look like this(below)

At that moment, of course, being an innocent me, I couldn’t help but feel threatened(below) I kind of black out. I started to picture the dreadful consequences if I dare fail. Those foreign aid from Priscillia and Elvis will be GONE. All my dreams, gone, vanish. In fact, it feels as if, A level would just end here. But then, cannot la. They would be angry if I spend more time thinking of them than on my paper. At least, fail also must fail with pride.

Therefore, I pull myself together and focus. I know everything good hinges upon this, what I can do for this paper. I’m not the only one feeling the heat. It’s strange. For this moment one more person came into my thoughts. It’s strange but it’s my coach, Mr. Chua. I remembered those words he say on: You mustn’t fear the waves and tide. The waves don’t affect just you alone. To win, you must let it affect you least. That’s how it is.” My world immediately stabilized. Color is once again restored(below) and I’m ready to embrace the enemy before me.

And I rose up to the challenge. I know that, success/failure would be 2h 15mins again. Even if I don’t make it, I must still leave the examination and tell myself: You may kill me but you may never insult me. Others may fear you but not me. Others may be intimated but not me. Others may suffer you but not me. So come forward and have a taste of how it would feels like to be slice up by a knowledge that has the depth of H1000. Even if it means faking up a fierce front, I’ll do it. ROAR!

CHARGE! For Econs!

Poem: It hurts me to see you cry

2009-11-20T00:01:00.001+08:00

Was talking to my friend when I dig up this old poem of mine. Written for her during the collection of O’level mother tongue results

The day of the release of results is a terrible day

The fruit of the long anticipation hardly pays

Seeing a heartbroken you hurt me in many ways

I’m thinking of ways to cheer you up as always

I see you alone at a corner on the phone

You seemed to be lost, in a world of your own

With your shattered hopes that are unknown

I hesitated to confront you, my feelings unshown

Today was the first time I saw your tears

It is the most saddening day for me after all these years

I had no chance to get close to you with all your peers

To rid your heart and mind of all the fears

Many a times you moved away whenever I gotten too close

It feels so bad it feels like I’m fed with drugs in a big dose

In your eyes I wish to be treated like gold

So that you still find me purposeful to be with even when you’re old

I may have failed in my attempt to cheer you up back there

However I will try harder to get you out of this nightmare

And with the many successes and failures out there

I’m sure one day your disappointments I will share

I may be happy but don’t perceive me as if I don’t care

It hurts me very much to see you like this I swear

Even though this scenario is very rare

I hope never will I see it again anywhere

I’m writing this little piece to you

I think it might be a little out of the blue

It might not get you over the moon

But it will get you to a place where flowers bloom

Last inch of energy

2009-11-19T23:40:00.001+08:00

100%.

I charged in on the opening of exam thinking that everything is under my grasp and I’m ready to score. Things became surprisingly awful ever since day 1(Geography). My mentality has switched from scoring to largely avoiding damage now.

Hmmm. Tomorrow is case study for Economics. I’m left with 25%.

I’m living on borrowed energy. I exhausted too much energy thinking of what will happen if I failed to perform. It comes at a huge price because, if I don’t do well, no one will have confidence in me to teach and educate anymore. I love to teach and teaching is central to me. I regret realizing this too late. Oh well. What we can do now is limited. Seriously, I dedicate my thanks to the 2 person who have really been very supportive, Priscillia and my Senior(just input it in when I’m allowed to, for now, make you a bit mysterious). Kenneth wouldn’t have made this here this far without the support. The cost of failure is too great. It’s like lottery, with only 1 successful codeword for the most prized reward, but many ways to be ousted.

Exam is drawing to an end soon. Do I still have the luxury of aiming high? After all, this is the first time I ventured into an examination feeling so prepared. However, the outcome didn’t left me feeling the same way. Nonetheless, it is not the end until it’s the end. Disappointment, reluctance, anguish, and discontentment will no longer be obstacle. They will be grounded to dust.

Roar!! 25% Left. I have not much confidence for exam this time round. Ironically, the exam I’m the most prepared for is the one I think I will fare the worst for. Nonetheless, there is some strength to this, most important exam in my timeline. I guess, time management, strategy and approach was well done though I don’t think the answer is.

It’s ok. Last 25%. I don’t care how things turn out already. I’m going to use my remaining time and energy to enjoy what’s there for me to enjoy. It’s the process that count, the process of applying all the strategies that you have honed, all the friendship as support that you have, and most importantly there is something I learned that money can’t buy. I have learned that support, true genuine support, especially yours Senior, and from you too Priscillia, is something that is impossible to experience. A level won’t come again. I want that support, but I’m scared to impose on you. Oh well. Tomorrow is econ case study. I’m going to have to think of you again, while I still can before there’s no more econ. Talk nonsense! After econ, thinking about you is still made compulsory!

On The Verge

2009-11-11T18:46:00.001+08:00

Thirsty, hungry, desperate, hopeless. That was how I felt after my Geography Paper. I inherited my senior’s notes. Hence I inherited her strong points: Weathering. If you take Geography, you know how difficult it is to master weathering, what more in a week. I done it but nothing from weathering came out. Sad shit.

Oh well. Look at the big picture. I mastered weathering. I mastered confidence. I seriously believe that confidence is invaluable. No matter how much of mugging, it cannot buy you that. Though it cannot be used, I’m sure it buy me calmness, bought me relaxation as well as confidence.

But then, sigh. Human geography, my forte was no help. Man. Just when I was on the verge of giving up, I open up the newspaper, 1st page, I saw this “Michael Schumacher: It's not the end until it's the end” OMG. Thanks! Rush already. HAHA. come on. It’s the 7 times world champion for F1 saying this. Other people are vying for the 1st place in F1, yours A level only.

Let’s rush. Push. Everything’s in control, is within reach. Hang on to Mdm Yang’s words: Focus!

Quote of the Day:
Life is an onion. You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
--Carl Sandburg

What words can I use?

2009-11-03T22:20:00.001+08:00

Ever since the day I have step into TPJC, I have never picture life as to where I am now. This is not in the sense of being overwhelmed in studies, neither is it about anxiety for exams. However, in the span of just one week, I have realize some things and truth that I have never thought was possible, as well as some things about myself.

Sometimes when you get too obsessed over some tasks, you will never be able to realize how off you are from accomplishing it. It may be that, I'm losing control over what I'm studying, losing my plan over what I am suppose to do. Nonetheless, all this signs do not seem to impress me about the gravity of the situation that I'm in. That's the thing that I never thought was possible. I didn't imagine that I will live to one day see that I'm in a very shape without me knowing myself. I have led a life without ever knowing what it's like to be in hell without knowing. I always know that I'm in trouble, because I haven't study enough or I probably didn't have a plan. What I failed to realize, until yesterday is that, what got me into trouble is not what I don't know. It's what I know for sure that just ain' so. I realize that I always know the source to my problem but it turns out to be wrong. My own problem is my own failure to seek aid. But perhaps I haven't seek aid my entire life that I forgotten how to.

Perhaps. if you ever encounter something that you think is your ultimate victory, it may turn out to be your ultimate defeat. From this I mean events like, if you think doing well for exam is going to make you succeed in every aspect of your life and be complacent afterwards, you're wrong and that thinking will be your undoing. Likewise, the other way can happen too. What you think is your ultimate defeat might turn out to be your ultimate victory. By this I mean my taking up of Geography. I always thought I have taken up the wrong subject due to the mismatch of tutors, after all she really is twisted in her treatment towards me. Never mind this. Rather, my taking of Geography might have been my life saver. For one thing, because of Geography, I have been attracted to aid and aid has come to me.

Rather more surprisingly, perhaps it's been a very very long time since someone has helped me out so sincerely before. It's to an extent that, I really don't know. Maybe all this while of being exposed in a JC environment has been such that, I don't know what's call help anymore. I can't even have a good chat you know. Every conversation is like, so one sided engagement. A paragraph of messages are entertained by a word or two. Help offered are returned with lame gestures or rather, I can actually be made worst off by offering help. Somehow, her help to me was like light coming to me in a light forsaken place. Her words came as nourishments to my aged bone, nutrients for my drained mind, energy for my torn spirit and motivation for my fading confidence. I mean, seriously. I don't know how to thank those who have, so, uh, rather, I have never feel something so genuine before. If anything, she said a lot of things, that I really hope I will never forget. So I'm recording all this now, here.

1) Balance out. Don't too intensive on 1 subject. Spread out. Retain the momentum

2) You're in canoeing right. You know how important it is to spread out your race evenly.

3) You know sleep's important. Everyone got different study pattern. This one is ultimate: "At night you tell the person you study a lot, she said she study none. When early morning she say she study a lot, you say you study none. She study night you study day." HAHA!

4) The closest friend makes the worst study partners(This is wow. I mean like. Exactly the situation I'm placed in. When friendship start tearing apart, you begin to wonder if everything that you have been true is nothing but a dream. Oh well, I'm relieved that someone gone through the same.) I asked her how she study during this period in time. She says she study alone because what friends do is just to stress you out. She expressed what I have express long time ago, to myself. HAHA!

Hmm. I really don't know how to maintain this kind of relationship. I really really hate to ask people for help, much less than ask people for notes. I fear that the outcome would be a relationship built on notes. After examination, everything will just tear asunder. If life has ever taught me anything, I guess it would be the lesson on gratitude. This month, I have written out 10 blog post, halfway through and I lost the inspiration and so I cancel it altogether. The blog after all, is a record of my journey in life. I mean, if not for this event, I want to declare that My A level would be gone! No doubts. I have no seniors in primary and secondary school and I have always criticize the prospect of even having close seniors. However, what this event has taught me is really beyond what words can express. Someone who help you, someone who understand how you feels, someone who have gone through what you're going through now and someone who has the solution for you and most importantly, someone who helped you sincerely. If anything, meeting her is worth more than studying for 10000 hours. If anything, studying can never get you confidence, spirit, strength and courage. I don' know how to express this gratitude to her. The only way I know how to, is by the length of this post. I don't know if I will ever give you my link for you to view this since it's a bit odd out of a guy. But if I do have the courage, don't let your impression of me being someone huge, and fierce, and commanding be changed. ok? Thank you. Anyway, her notes, state this:

"To dream anything that you want to dream. That's the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do, that is the strength of human will. To trust yourself to test your limits, That is the courage to succeed."

100% exam formula

2009-10-29T23:24:00.001+08:00

Exam: To achieve good grades, consider this 100% formula

10% luck: Pray

10% skill: Hone your skill through practice

10% memory: Memorize some questions. Some question come out sure you see before

10% school: Admit it. Being in top school like HCI, Raffles, National grants you 10%. Their probablity of not making to university is 0.0001(negligible). Still need hypothesis testing?

10% strategy: Always have a drill when you see certain kind of question (e.g. trial and error for probability =//)

10% concentration: Focus!

10% talent: Can't help you on this. If you're born with it, the 10% is yours. Free!

10% fear: The very fear that breaks you, drives you

10% pride: You can't take bad results lying down can you?

10% fate: If fate want you to careless, there's nothing much you can do

No Guarantee. Just for laughs and consideration. All rights reserve

Five For Fighting

2009-10-19T23:47:00.001+08:00

I think I should be more optimistic, and try to look on the brighter side of things. Where have those optimism went. To have aspiration given to you only to be taken away. To have hope granted to you only to be shattered. I don't see all this as sufferance neither do I believe all this are persistent.

Deep down, I know everything must happen for a reason.

I don't believe in all these! I don't believe in all these! Commanded Aragorn! Yes. I don't too.

Quote of the Day:
In this world, it is not what we take up, but what we give up, that makes us rich.
--Henry Ward Beecher

Every outcome is valuable

2009-10-13T22:43:00.000+08:00

I'll hang on to this.

I won't let you down.

I won't let you down(again)

I don't care how tired I am

I don't bother about what excuse I make

At the end of the everything

I don't want to let you down again

Casual Conversation

2009-10-11T23:13:00.001+08:00

Today something happen

Had a chat with Pappy

I saw this very good essay from Pappy and I wanted to lend my friend to read

And I make it sound as though it is very very difficult for borrow from Pappy

And she exclaim "Woah. why you make me sounds so bad. I'm not that bad."

And then I replied: "Where got make you sound bad. I'm just making myself sound good. HAHA!"

That's all. tata. Sleep already.

Quote of the Day:
The enraged colonists were mad.
--CJ's US History Work

Rain

2009-10-11T09:05:00.001+08:00

It is raining. Everybody is running, all except for one. A runner came up to him and asked: "Why didn't you run?" And the runner reply that "Why bother running when it's raining ahead."

I'm not going to run away. I'm going to face the rain and wait to see what it is trying to convey to me.

My Quote: Uncertainty is both an aspect of Physics and a function in life.

Uncertainty

2009-10-08T22:24:00.001+08:00

Tell you something, dear friend

Those who did well in Prelim may not do well during A

Those who did not do well in Prelim might not not do well during A

Whatever it is

Those who did well for Prelim have no real advantage

Those who did not do well for Prelim do not lose out either

The outcome is uncertain, uncertain is the outcome

Hold tight to what you believe most

That's where your advantage lies

Quote of the Day:
The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.
--John Kenneth Galbraith

Rediscovery

2009-10-02T23:19:00.001+08:00

The person who studies most may not do well
The person who knows most may not do well
Everything is uncertain until the end
For our preparation only increases our probability of doing well, not making certain of it.
Don't place ultimate emphasis on results
For it is not a means to an end.
And at the end of everyday something new will be learn
As education becomes a route for us to discover and rediscover ourselves

Quote of the Day:
We cannot always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future.
--Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Drive to Eternity

2009-09-29T22:19:00.001+08:00

Prelim is over. Finally

Gandalf says: One part of the journey is over, another begins.

Result is something that is not for us to rejoice over or to complain

Good results give you motivation Bad result gives you disappointment and determination will arise.

I've stop to reconsider my motives for studying so hard.

I aspire to go University that's one thing

Compete in University in Canoeing, that's another

Do my mom, a graduate of RJC, proud

But most importantly, I love to teach

... Teaching...

Current affairs seem to challenge against that foundation

Perhaps I should reconsider.

The drive to eternity is taking place soon

Hopefully, all distraction cease to take place

And along with it, peace.

Quote of the Day:
Every revolution evaporates and leaves behind only the slime of a new bureaucracy.
--Franz Kafka

De Hamzah's Theorem

2009-09-14T23:03:00.001+08:00

Conversation with De Hamzah !

Hamzah: Cannot just maths and Physics la especially for me. Good grade for physics and maths. < E for Economics and GP

Kenneth: HAHA. You should specialize what. Tomorrow's Economics'. You should focus on the Theory of Comparative Advantage to develop your niche area!

Hamzah: But you should trade also to gain in all.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!

Kenneth: Hamzah. The more I analyzed your name, the more I think that there will be a De Hamzah's Theorem in future... LOLOLOLOL!

Cute conversation

Disclaimer: Using the word cute does not mean I'm Gay

Quote of the Day:
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
--Mark Twain

Absolute Zero for Economics

2009-09-14T21:04:00.001+08:00

Never felt so lethargic before in studying for economics. After seemingly endless hours of Maths and Physics, it become such a pain to even dissect a stupid question. Come on, embrace yourself... embrace embrace embrace. Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn. I can't let this feeling devour me. What happen to all the oaths made before. NO!

Quote of the Day:
Creativity is the sudden cessation of stupidity.
--Dr. E. Land

J Test

2009-09-11T23:39:00.003+08:00

It was a random conversation, well not really random. This person reply rate is like 1 reply in 10. Nonetheless, something came into my mind. I was thinking of a test, a set of criteria that can be used to assess how interesting a person you are. Let's see, if I draft out that standard base on this person's interest, topic of interest

TV!!
Jokes
General Knowledge(Ice Cream, Chocolate, everything sweet la, haiyo!
Latest Guy Idol (5566? Jay Chou? F4? or Luo Zhi Xiang)
Sweet Talk

These are in the order of her interest(I guess?) and so I decided to call it the J-test. How interesting a person you are to that person depend on how well you can build a conversation based on these themes. From this I shall build upon a theory call, the theory of relative closeness to a person.

Kenneth's Theory Of Relativity(Act Chim! Hehe. This has nothing to do with Nuclear Physics)

How close a person is to a person is measured on how well the person can touch on the topic of interest. FOR INSTANCE! Joey will be a closer friend to this person as she possesses a high interest in TV as compared to someone who is not so. Joey will be closer to this person than someone who may be very good in jokes. Isn't this cute? Actually these are all crap. They are either superficial or inapplicable in the real world. I made this up so that I can have the name of Kenneth's Theory of Relativity. HAHA! (Background Info: Einstein's Theory of Relativity : E = mc^2

If you have studied too much during these days, you should know what's coming up. ANTI THESIS! You know my model is not all that bad. It provides you with a valuable insight on how you're going to attack a conversation to achieve better tie with that person. Beware though, it's going to be boring if you're going to attack it every time. After all, things like TV is exhaustible right? Hoho, you need to have citation from women sources. TV fanatics will never agree. Nowadays I find the word TV cute. Maybe TV stands for [T]eddy Bear(this is cute I suppose) [V]ersion. OK I conclude this is a bad attempt to be funny... so I shall go to sleep. Tata!

The Train Of Learning

2009-09-09T20:07:00.001+08:00

Isn't learning like sitting on a train to get to the destination that you want? Picture yourself having to endure a 4 hour ride to your destination. You feel bored, disengaged and uninterested. You can engage in anything active and the journey will seem faster - and that's a lot like practicing question and stuffs. In imagination, they seem to make time faster. However, you can't shorten time physically. At the end of the story, it still takes 4 hour to get to your destination.

Morale of the story - No matter what you do, whether by hook or by crook, time is the essence to success. No matter how hard, how determined, how willing you are, without the prerequisite time frame, you will never learn something fully. Therefore, be patient :)

Mathspiration 2

2009-09-06T21:40:00.001+08:00

I suddenly got another inspiration arising from Maths. I get this inspiration that we could somehow describe the world in Maths, just like how I started visualizing this world using economic jargon. Sorry if this don't appeal to non-maths people or does not appeal to non-JC maths takers.

Event #1:

In the past. There's a probability that you love someone. Let L: be the probability that you love someone. It's easy to compute because P(L) = A where A is an arbitrary constant. However now P(L | ABC.....XYZ) = ???? where love now carries so many condition. Sigh. (Conditional Probability)

Event#2:

People in the past, when money has a high value, can only afford to cultivate a good habit by saving a constant value today e.g. 50 cents a day which form a A.P. sequence. By today's standards, we're so used to results that A.P. don't work for us anymore. We want G.P. to maximize satisfaction! 50 cents. $1 .. $2 ... ... ... $n... $n+1 ... ... ... $(infinity). Dreamers... And then, when people become bankrupt, it's usually GP also. From $(infinity) to 0 = Lehman Brothers.

Event #3:

This 1 is quite obvious. Last time people's brain, only has 1 component. Now people's brain, 2 component : Real and Imaginary. Super Complex! zzzz

Event #4:

There's a reason why people are highly inconsistent in exams. That's because, people's grade are oddly distributed. They don't follow a Normal Distribution, where their grades can fluctuate in a band, say 67,68,67, 66 hence B. Their grades follow a discrete model, B, S, B, S. This concept also don't understand? No wonder don't do well in Stats la.

Event#5:

Forget it. I lazy to think already. Haha. See if anyone want to contribute by tagging at my tagboard.

Mathspiration

2009-09-05T12:05:00.012+08:00

... ... ...Mdm Yang says I'm a good shape for Maths.

Though in many sense that is a compliment, it made me ponder over other things. To my secondary school friends, I think Mdm Yang is just like the young reincarnate of Mdm Yap. They scold the same way, nag the same way, preach the same way, and lively the same the way. I'm glad when I first knew that Mdm Yang is in charge of our mathematical welfare. When she says that my maths is in a good shape yesterday morning, I couldn't help but think about certain troubling fact.

For one thing I am certain, without Mdm Yap and Yang, my maths will be like a pile of debris being washed up ashore. And even right now, I couldn't help but wonder why I didn't achieve the kind of standard in maths that was expected under their guidance. Though I have put in a reasonable amount of effort in maths, it is due to them that my efforts can be amplified. And I should make every distinguishable efforts to remember the fact that if not for Mdm Yap, I wouldn't be in JC. And I should do well to remember too that if not for Mdm Yang, I wouldn't stand a chance to be in the University. As much as I have promised Mdm Yap that I will see to the legacy of my own maths foundation, I found myself struggling and I can't remove that state of inability.

Everything made sense because I guessed I have spend too much effort trying to excel in canoeing. I have come to learn something from past experience. The world cannot function without a balance. It is evident everywhere around us. From the US imbalanced resolution towards Iran, to a person's ultimate obsession with religion, to a person that is driven by the sentiment to slim down. I'm a personality extremist, I should know better.

There has been on 2 occasion when I asked this question: I wish I could relive life so that I can re-prioritized my priority. The 1st person(I forgotten who) told me that, if I could relive, I will end up doing the same thing I do. That's because every thing that we do, we're sure at that moment that it's time well spent. The 2nd person, Mdm Yang, she said it in a more direct manner. She said I would end up in canoeing again. *Laughs* That's true. Canoeing has been my pride. The point is, how much time are we going to waste before we embrace ourselves to what's important. Right now I guess I could, but is it too late... ?

From Mr. Kevin Ng's web site "Mathematics is one of the essential emanation of the human spirit - a thing to be valued in and for itself - just like art or poetry." Have we lack or lost that kind of spirit, desires, motivation and zest to perfect the human spirit that has existed so formidably in such unison to shape the human world for the future generation - for us.

And for the last bit of our conversation, I told her that I have wasted my time trying during mid year by spending 50 hours in Maths to achieve a U. Her reply was, every bit of time that you spend inside will definitely reflect something useful and the usefulness might not show up in your grades. Do I need to explain more? I think the only thing standing between me and my grade is the fear of failure. After all, I have put in even more effort that I have ever wished for. It's not for my own pride that I'm fighting for. I'm fighting to uphold the promise I have made to Mdm Yap in Maths, Mr. Indra in physics as well as to every teacher who have given their effort to make sure I got into a JC. Should I fail, the knowledge that they have imparted will cease to be of importance.

I'm not stress, but merely figuring out a direction to further concentrate my efforts. From this Mathspiration scandal, I should have more than enough reason to push on.

Lost

2009-08-31T21:23:00.002+08:00

I feel so obsessed to blog about this:

Forget the peace inside
You’ve given way to the gods of destruction
Full of desire
You feel afraid that there’s nothing left

The ocean is dry
Do you feel hollow?
Nowhere to hide
And nothing to swallow

And when you can’t recognize
Anything solid
Where do you turn?
When you can’t buy it?

What can you believe in now
With no love to follow?
Now that you have lost yourself
Oh, can anything help you now?

Just let your fears go
You might find your way back home
Let your fears go
You might find that you’re not lost

Defining Phrase ain't it? Let your fear go, you might find that you're not lost.
Beautiful Vocal, Beautiful Song
[Sunlounger - Lost]

Forgetting Girls

2009-08-30T18:41:00.007+08:00

I discussed about this issue "Forgetting Girls" with a friend of mine and I came up with a defining statement. I'm highly in favor to this stand. You agree or not, I'm not open up for debates =D. I post it cause it sounds cool

You must accept that Girls bring about more cost than benefit
Your brain bring to you more illusion than reality.

Cute. I proposed another law. I call it Law of Pain. but since I invented it. It's call Law of Ken

The Cost of Forgetting Someone = Summation of All Pain up to the Breaking point(Upper Limit)

Where breaking point is defined by how much emotional and physical tortures you can take before you actually give up. For some it tends to infinity. Damn noble.
From this it can be infer that,

How much you love someone = Magnitude of Breaking Point

Magnitude of Love = Magnitude of Breaking Point

It makes sense because, breaking point can be seen as personal sacrifices, tangible and non-tangible commitment that you make to her before you give up.

Of course before I get flame, I just state that, Love in this case has many meaning and it is defined in many ways. Let's just treat it as an Universal term so be multi contextual. This is completely nonsensical in practical context since there are many factors involved or rather it is an intangible variable.

Inspiration

2009-08-29T17:19:00.003+08:00

I'm back to my old self. That's when lame jokes start popping up I guess. Anyway. More chops, less talk. I'm here to give a summary of the updates. These original little tricks from me have left many chilled, and many more frozen.

Point 1:
Assuming that everyone is the same, why is it that tennis players do not favor a relationship
Ans: Cause Love(Lurve) in Tennis means zero.

Point2:(Sorry Jun De, for experiencing this 1st hand =/)
From Number 1-10, what number does good school girls belong to
Ans: They belong to 3 & 4. Since bad girls are called 不三不四, good girls must be 3 & 4.

And also some Important Theory

Theory 1: Information Assimilation Theory
You should rest after once in a while from mugging. Your brain absorbs information just like how a pot absorb ingredient for a soup. Mugging and learning is like throwing in fresh ingredient. If you constantly throw in ingredient, they will constantly be set in motion and there will be turbulence. A day of rest will allow those ingredient to settle down and be stable, maximizing the taste of your soup.

Theory 2: Economic Theory of Love
This is interesting. I proposed that a relationship is like an ADAS model. When love is high, your AD is high. Yet love bring about a form of uncertainty that keeps the AD fluctuating. Sometimes you are happy, sometimes you're not. Sometimes its stable sometimes it's not. Yet there will be a time when Business Cycle occur when AD hit a all time high when love's sweet. When that sweetness fate, you'll break up, AD slump and you drop into a recession. For a while, AD can't recover due to uncertainty, reflecting that you're optimistic about whether if the next relationship will work. Yet given time, confidence is restored => and you be ready for a relationship again(AD can increase again). A cute friend of mine proposal that policies can be used to retain the relationship. You can't be too nice to someone(too expansionary), you can't be too bad(too contractionary). But you know it's difficult to estimate and it's often that you over expand or over contract. =/ That concludes the model of the Love's Economic Theory =/ Neh neh la. Mug too much already.

Theory 3:
Don't think so much. HAHA

That's all folks

It's not just about ego. It's about me

2009-08-25T22:06:00.003+08:00

Ego: An opinion that you have of yourself ; self image ; self-importance;

I'm living a life that's more geared towards the understanding of this controversial term which I once thought was absent in me. I always thought that it had been undesirable, and for the most part I have tried my best to stay away from its influence, both consciously and unconsciously. I have tried to be humble, to be more accepting, to avoid being self-conceited and all other things I can think of so that I can dis-associate myself with the term in any form, in every way. However, the recent development in my life seem to lure me into it, and in fact now I seem so surrounded by it that I have no explainable for.

The 1st evidence of its influence is that my thinking has led me to increasingly categorize events/system/objects as being superior or non superior. I am increasingly categorizing people into the smart/stupid category, categorizing good questions from stupid ones, differentiating the good and the bad. The notion that I once possessed to treat everything in its neutral entity, to regard everything as equal, is gone, replaced by a thinking that categorize objects according to its superiority with me as the reference point.

The 2nd evidence is that, and perhaps my nature, I really really can't stand people asking someone else questions in front of me. Maybe it's my ego that I'm better than that person, and perhaps its my passion that long for the love to teach. And maybe from someone's point of view, It's really ok to ask. I mean, consciously, I perceive it to be perfectly fine. However, my sub conscious seem to be at odd with me on this subject. I preferred to be asked and I refused to ask others. I have try to hide it by creating the impression that I'm a hardcore thinker and love to dwell in problems but yet in reality I'm not.

And when I'm increasing prioritizing studies above all else, scoring isn't such a simple thing anymore. In fact, I want to dominate. I want to dominate, so badly. There's really no explanation for all the mentality that has existed in me, and the rise of this egoism. I have tried reasoning it out against my sub-consciousness every tangible moments but yet I could find nothing to suppress. There are many more that I have yet to include but I shall cut short for my bedtime draws near in preparation for another tiresome day tomorrow. For now, perhaps it's not or never just about ego, I guess it's about a part of me that I have failed to understand, and every now and then I ponder. For I refuse to accept what is reality, refuse to accept something that is so undesirable to mankind, and refuse to accept something so contradicting to a state of character perfection that I pursue. I guess I should learn to take take a deep breathe or take things easy.

Overcome Canoe. Overcome Everything

2009-08-22T20:38:00.003+08:00

I had a chat with Xin Hui and I'm reminded of what I saw a few days back ~ When I was desperate, when I was overcomed with fatigue, tiredness, hopelessness and helplessness.
I lie down on my bed and glare out into the window facing my bed. I glare out at the moon

And through the window I saw a glimpse of the moon, and upon a closer look, I saw something some disturbance that seem to propagate progressively, stronger as it made distance and weaker along its trial. It then occur to me what I thought which could be none other than a glory of my former pride. A Kayaker. And then, something seem to hit me in my head as my brain seem to radiate a kind of heat, a kind of warmth as if controlled by some powerful warlock. Almost as if it was planned, I seem to immediately understand this 1 simple sentence: Overcome Canoe, Overcome Everything. I looked up again at the moon, the disturbance was gone along with the trial. The moon once again radiate in the dark, hazy sky.

If only the moon represents my heart. I'll shall cherish your words, Great 1. Am I hallucinating? it all seem to real.

Last Words

2009-08-16T18:27:00.004+08:00

Everything happens for a purpose.

Today is one of the rare days where my body just refuses to do my bidding, that is to say I'm highly distracted and lethargic when it comes down to studying. I tried to but I can't. I tried again and again, and I just end up diverting to something else, either to the bed, or back on the comp, or to the fridge or just stoning. It has happened to me before. For the moment I don't know why, but the next moment I do.

Determined to remove that sort of "loser" feeling in me, I search for the remnants of my energy to will myself to some light jogging - to visit an old friend. I made my way to Punggol End as usual. Something don't seem quite right. I never feel that uncomfortable before. Even as I approached the woods, the feeling of wrongness and weirdness engulfed me. Something in there draws me closer and closer, to the truth for my restlessness. Now I was worried. Earlier in the morning, on the newspaper I caught a glimpse at the headlines that states: Vision of Punggol One Step Nearer. "No I thought. It can't be. The presence of so many trunks and vehicles confirmed my hypothesis. My spirits drop with every step that I took and as I reach the end - The truth haunted me. A large portion of my old friends were gone... ...and I realize the truth to my restlessness.

On the spiritual plane, I could sense many of my friends departing to the opening where the sunlight pierce through in midst of the clouds. I approached to the area where I usually dwell. Most of the scrubs, bushes, and trees were removed and replaced by pieces and pieces of construction barrier. Most of their physical aspects were gone, except for a dense concentration of spiritual energy that remains to bid their closest link on Earth goodbye. I guess, I am one of them, perhaps the last 1 to arrive. I could feel their spirits surrounding me, and almost immediately, many thoughts filled my mind. Although I can't hear their words, I can sense their thoughts. And the next moment I could actually hear myself replying to that thought: "I know, you're my best friend too."

It is of no wonder. All these years, they bear most of my secrets. I placed all my trust in them on any species that walks the Earth and whenever I commune with them, though I get no answer, but I can feel that the urge to get an answer is satisfied, almost as if I got an intangible answer, just like when I wake up from sleep, when I commune with God. Yeah. I regret not cherishing them enough this 2 years while I'm in JC. The only thing I could say is, I regret. Of course, I'm glad that I came in time to hear their last words before they depart. I promise them that I will push ahead and cherish every time I possess, in their place. And then I know that, my restlessness in my studies, might be the main purpose that I'm drawn here, for a reason. I'm glad I have the chance to still hear those last words.

It might be highly unbelievable but I do and strongly believe that the human and environment share a bond. When I arrive at Punggol End, almost immediately, I could feel that the land has changed and the life that once existed have left the place. Those spirits left willingly in order to provide for us, human. And how many people are there that truly appreciate the spirits of the wild and yet we human, despite all this sacrifices made to maximize our satisfaction, contend among ourselves for trivial stuffs, like war, like excessive money and power. I met my Secondary School friends on the bus a few days ago who are now in Poly. They sigh, saying that there's this person who is winning everything in Poly, being president of some stupid club, winning competition, gaining chance to go overseas and what not. My answer of comfort to them is: what is important to you? That guy might win everything, but doesn't he reflect Punggol End? Where the nature and environment is cleared and made way for human's achievement. To me, it is just another land without life.

Yup. So we must always know what we're doing, and more importantly what's important to us. Right now, I know what's important is that of their last words: Fulfill what's important to you. Anyone reading this, I urge the same to you.

Fight for what's important to you. The rest are superficial.

... And the spirits depart slowly into the Haven beyond the clouds, beyond the horizon. With a sigh, I left Punggol End.

Different

2009-08-15T17:07:00.005+08:00

WENS > I get your argument. Don't worry though. My world functions very differently from my thoughts and most likely there will never be a day where my thoughts manifest in the real world. It means, my thoughts are just for fantasy purposes :)

I wonder what will life be without things that are considered important or desirable to us. Important things like ideology, philosophy, religion, families, education, entertainment, character and also... .... friendship I guess. Not too long ago, I engaged in a conversation. I told them I desired to be alone, most of the time when I can actually be. And so I make a suggestion that I don't really mind if my parents were to throw me in a jungle to live and adapt in. I will grow up to learn the tools of my trade, hone my instinct, sharpen my senses and outwit all forms of danger. When I grow up, I will come to thank them for all the hostilities, adversities, and tribution that I grew up with.

There comes a point where Children were bought into the picture. I hated kids. I suggested that I might do that to them too, send them into the forest to grow and adapt. When they grow up, they'll thank me. I encountered much resistance tho. My classmates suggested that when they came back, they will put me into the same jungle that I sent them to. My children will then say, as suggested by them -.-, "When you die, you'll thank me".

So what are the important things to us. If we have grown up in an entirely different set of environment, will the list change? Supposedly, if my children have grown up in the jungle, will they perceive ideology, philosophy, religion, families, education, entertainment, character and friendship as important as what we have perceived to be important in our society? If i grow up in the jungle, I think I will indeed, have classify differently. Instinct will top the list, followed by pure strength, agility, reflex, speed and so on...

The issue is not on growing up in a different setting. The issue that plagued me is that, I live in OUR society yet my conscious seem to have existed in a different society altogether. The idea that I don't need friend is 1. My choice of solo-ism, individualism, the need for quietness and peace seem to have existed somewhere else that does not belong in this society. At least, my thinking is primitive and my desires quite provincial. For this reason, many people finds me weird, different, humorous, unique, odd, inhumane or whatever you name. Oh well, I better find joy in feeling different soon, or better, indifferent about it.

The Cycle Of Needs

2009-08-09T21:49:00.005+08:00

You're born on Day 1, and you survive with minimal possessions and needs. As you grow up, those needs multiply. I illustrate this because I strongly feel that human are an independent entity, without needing so much emotional satisfaction to survive. I express this because I'm getting irritated with signs of weakness. I have people claiming that they can't survive with friends, and so they believe I can't. I have people claiming that human need noise to feel alive and so I inevitably need them too. I don't get their logic nor idea. I don't need them to survive. I don't mind being alone. I enjoy being alone. Does this satisfy them? We're born with nothing, except for family bonds. We once survive with that bare minimum that we have. Why can't they survive how they survive when they haven't meet their first friend? we have no friends, and then we found some, and we naively believe that we can establish a paradise on that vague foundation. When we age, we find that these friends, most of them, will not be around, and when you part with your dear life, you will not remember friends.

So let me reiterate. I think that most people shouldn't depend on friendship so much. survive on whatever minimum they have last time. On the note of friendship, when you don't enlist their aid, they reiterate endlessly that they be there should you need them. When you over rely on them, they see you as a pest. I feel that this over-reliance is the main source why people can't be happier, and eventually, their nemesis. Can't they get it? Rely on their bloody abilities to be happy. I'm not making much sense. Maybe I'm abnormal. Maybe I'm too used to depending on myself that I find it a pain when I ever need to get help, be it problems, projects, friendship, maths, or ... ... ...or rather, I prefer myself to be helping others then the reverse.

Spirits Igniting, Promises Undying

2009-08-05T20:29:00.002+08:00

It has been since nearly 2 years since I was last raised in Maths by She Of the Motivating, the imparter of Maths, Mdm Yap. Had something happen then that make her transfer from Bedok Town to Punggol, that help me in my grades, and landed me in JC, particularly TPJC. Had it not been for her, I wouldn't have enough points to land here in TPJC, but neither will the promise not to take up tuition exist. She has helped me, and provided me with the world's cheapest tuition with the courtesy of Mr. Tony Tan. In return for her gesture, I swore to work hard, to be literate in maths, and I know I can. If i fail, I shouldn't deserve tuition then. And now that I fail, I shouldn't deserve tuition in any sense.

In adverse times, there is no doubt that it is your teachers' words that you held on most dearly to.
... ... Just Practice Kenneth, Don't talk and no action! It is somehow comforting that your inability to do something is indeed due to faults of some sort rather than lacking the aptitude.
... ... Careless mistake is the lack of Practice! Thanks Mdm Yap. Your words held me together when I was defeated today in Lecture Theater by the easiest of questions.

And recounting the times, there is He of Sarcasm, Mr Indra. Never was a moment that he didn't fall back on his trusty tool to put us all on the edge. Typical Punggolites! 3rd language Chinese. 2nd language Hokkien. 1st language Vulgarities. He is the enforcer of dark motivations. His words create a lot of spite and self-detest, yet in those words there held some truth, in fact absolute truth if you can accept the wisdom of his words. Punggolites can never take Physics, because they're not serious in any way, thinking that they're smart but in reality they're peanuts. Here I am, 1 of the 2 person who took Physics to prove him wrong. The other is in MJC and one whom I hated so bad. I need to start thinking! If I ever stand the chance of reverting the tide.

And maybe, sent forth by She of the Motivating might be Mdm Yang, currently my Maths tutor. I swear she looks like Mdm Yap's reincarnate, equally matched in drama and wits, except younger. I have seen enough evidence and events that points to the fact that I need to succeed in what I set out for. I can't afford to f*** around anymore. I'm at a point where I know nothing except for concentration that can save me. I know I have enough content to clinch at least a C in every subject. Whatever that nature has sent forth to set itself against me, I WILL TURN THE TIDES. I know the odds are against me at the moment but they shall be undone nevertheless.

So let all the motivation, concentration, support and hard work converge, and let the spirit be reborn and glow. In the fire a new wisdom shall be born, and tie the promises to a time line that will never fade.

Pen or You

2009-08-04T22:46:00.002+08:00

LOOK. Just Look. And focus. Look into your pen. When you despair, who suffers more. Your pen or you. Of course your pen. You're the one in trouble and yet your pen willingly carries out your will. Not like the pen knows the answer to the burning question that is so ruthlessly questioning your ability.

Although everything is sour at the point in time, I guess I still have 1 advantage. I still have time to sort out everything, my framework, my mentality and everything that's messy. All is not lost yet for I know I have yet to realize something. Maybe I already have known enough content to get me straight A but have yet to fully utilize them... ... ...yes I know everything I need.

Kingly!

2009-08-01T15:03:00.003+08:00

Haven't you ever wanted to appear kingly and glamorous in front of subjects that you express your superiority towards, that those whom you see as inferior will make a passage for you when you pass. Those people will give way to you and dare not invade your passage before you have done so. You want it don't you? I came to tell you that, yes, I appear kingly in this way before. Now you're jealous. I receive that treatment every time

...
...
everytime you see.
...
...
...
kingly!
...
...
...
Everytime I step out of MRT. :)

In terms of interest, in terms of disappointment

2009-07-26T20:43:00.000+08:00

Dammit. I need to perform. All talks and no result is worthless. And I can't believe that mid year turn out this way. I have failed to do so many questions that are supposedly within my limits. Fk man. And I can't even get into econs star 3. That's another unauthorized assess to my pride. Dammit. Passionate, Interested, can't perform. Fk la.

In terms of interest: Economics. Maths. Physics. Geog.
In terms of disappointment: Economics. Maths. Physics. Geog.
I'm trying to think of sth to say. The only thing I could think of, fk man!

Speechless

2009-07-22T21:13:00.002+08:00

...Things gone really bad. If I don't do sth, I'll just end up drowning. That be a boring ending.

...Damn. this is boring, to an extent, pathetic.

...So please wake up. Or I make sure you'll never sleep again.

Ignorance

2009-07-18T20:01:00.002+08:00

"You did the right thing, no more, no less. You asked question not seeking of a more in depth understanding and possibilities, but you don't know much about demon. And Ignorance, I will not tolerate."

Am I Ignorance? I think I am quite. I wish that I could be in the footstep of someone knowledgeable and knowing, but yet I'm quite deterred by the nightmare it could bring. Truely, the more knowledge you have, the more you are in the position to change things, but is it really that great? But at this moment I think it's not wise to remain ignorant anymore. Exams nearing and I can't afford to idle and do nothing. And Ignorance is something I won't tolerate either.

The Process Of A ___ Paper

2009-07-16T15:17:00.003+08:00

It was silence as everyone prepares their stationaries and essential into what will have been a long, gruesome paper though less intimatiding than that of the Maths Paper of SA2. It was the 2nd section to Maths as promised that the examination will stimulate the A'level as close to the 6 hours paper as possible. The teacher in charge, Mdm Yang gave the command and within a split second, sounds of multiple turning of pages could be heard and then again it is silence once again.

I turn the pages and face my 1st question confidently. However that confident did not hold its ground against one of the foul beasts in the realm of maths: e power x power 2. My eyes grew wide and I could only stare. I'm confident that I will pull off an A, worst a B in Pure Maths. It have to be. It was my strong section. I stared in despair as I proceed to do the 2nd question without hesitation. My eyes brighten as it acknowledges the presence of Vectors, my singlemost strongest topic, undefeated in any questions to date. I immediately went down to work on it. It was an intersection of lines at a point so immediately, it had to be simueltaneous equation. I formed them, grinning widely knowing that I'm on my way to completing my 1st question, without much a problem. When I press "CALCULATE" on my GC after inputting the Matrics, what had been my smile a moment ago turned into horror and unexplainable tremble. Instead of showing 2 nice numbers, the roots of X, the GC displayed "No Solutions" instead. Deep down, the word FKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk knock within the walls of my heart, as the noise died down, fading away into the darkness. For then, I knew 10 marks was gone, out of a 50M paper.

Desperate, I have to move on. The 3rd question was sketcing of graphing techniques. I completed them with ease for Mdm Yang have gone through exactly the same in class. I too have revised them throughoutly during the holidays and so have no problems with it. The next question was induction. I was half sure of this for my weakness lies deep within algebraic manipulation. As inexperienced as I was, I recognized that it was an easy question, at the same time keeping in mind that I lost 10M already, not to mention that I could have some marks taken away from Graphing Techniques. True to my weakness, I can't find a way to prove it. And so the process went on and on, till I scan to the last question, which was question 7. And realize, I have no idea how to solve it. I stared at the clock which now displayed 5:30pm. 30 mins have elapsed and I have secured barely less than 5 marks, with the rest either unknown or have gone wrong. 5 marks... 10%... laugh out loud(lol).

I laugh within myself and admired my pathetic situation, with sarcasm. I admired how much I have studied, and admired even more of the fact that I have failed to solve even 1 of the question, in a proper examination. My aspiration turn to desperation, and in turn, anger. The anger grew inside me. My wrath blazed in consuming flame, and my fear rose like a vast black smoke to choke me, for I knew my peril and the thread upon which my doom now hung. For the next 30 mins, I went flipping through the question, reattempting every single question, and everytime I failed, the more anger I felt. Until at 5:50, I thought all was lost. I laid back on my seat, clearly exhausted from my efforts to liberate myself out of my fears. The pupil in my eyes displayed a blank stare, and its focus slowly diminished. My pride has been injured, for my great expectation has come crashing down like an avalanche down a cliff. I blanked out.

When I finally regain conscious, the clock strikes 6. There is 30 mins left. I knew this has only to be an illusion for nothing can hit me harder than the other side to reality. "Only 30 mins, what can men do against such merciless and consuming unluckiness." I have blamed it all on luck for my misery for I knew no reasons for my blunder, and my inability. No Wait, this had happened before. I knew this, it feels familiar, and everytime I feel like this, it's de ja vu. I recalled how badly I have played in badminton when my anger consume me. I recalled everypinch of pain and bitterness when anger take the better of me when trying to solve a question. Although I have tried with a clear conscious that the anger has not affected my performance, I can't deny nor reason against. Relax, Relax, Relax Why not like this, you have studied so hard, over 50 hours. Why not just forget about results, and take this time to truly enjoy and appreciate the joy of attempting them instead of fuming over the unimportant?

With that, I regained conscious, picked up my pen, and started again on Vectors. I don't care if I can do it or not. At most, just settle for 6 marks from Graphings. And then, I find myself successfully crafting the Simueltaneous Equation and managed to Solve it. I went on to Induction, and I'm able to prove it. I further went on to a question that I have desperately dismissed entirely as I am unable to solve part (a), which has no relation with part (b). And Part (b) was do-able. While penning down the equations, It was 6:29. And just as I'm done with my last sentence, time's up.

And everything you just read is the Process of a 14/50 marks paper. I received them today, unimpressed, desperate even. It shattered all my hopes, if not all energy, to study. Later in the evening I received Geography and Econs too, but they are nothing more than disappointment and anger. All the anger in me, has consumed the spirit and the motivation that ever lived in me. If there was anything left, I still that bit of energy, energy enough to summon enough strength to retrieve my phone, and message my dear friend to tell her about my dilemma. And her reply was.(In exact words of SMS)

"Why not this? I mugged for my mid years. I got 4 Us. Principle is breathing down on my neck, and I'm gna get a review. Anything. 'm out of sch. Focus for As you"

Though I did not find joy in her circumstences, but it injected new courage to face my own dilemma. Thanks you. And my reply to her was. "Sorry Dude. Was wrong to despair." I don't know what the future holds, nor the magnitude of the uncertainty that I must hold my ground against. But one thing is certain, if I don't try, I will regret forever. I guess after everything, time is still on my side, as little and subtle it may seem. Now is the hour of my time. So no games, no DotA, no badminton or whatever tricks. Only a bit of storybooks for break time, no more than a chapter. I'm giving it my all, with all hopes that my brain will mature to the demanding needs of the academic realm. With my hopes of being a teacher fading with every test, now my desire lies only in merely entering University, if I have no ability to boast about, at least, my mother is of great origin. Not a Wizard, Not a Mage, Not with great magics, but at least, with great academic background. Inheriting some bits of her intelligence, I just can't bring myself not to reflect that. Sigh. Let's just do bah. Excessive pondering is useless.

Joke Of The Day

2009-07-13T22:34:00.002+08:00

MaClaurin Series.
Differentiate to 3rd power of x.
y = tan x
dy/dx = sec(square x)
2nd order dy/dx = sec x sec x (OPERATED UPON with by parts)... ...

Outcome: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

For Warcraft!

2009-07-12T19:09:00.002+08:00

Omg I'm such a big fan of Warcraft. I spent my weekend chionging those books. I finished 3 books, and I'm proud to say

(1) Of Blood and Honour
(2) The Age of the Dragons
(3) Lord Of The Clans

Moving on next.
(4) The Last Guardian.

Hoho. The Lord Of The Clan talks about the tale of a Shamanistic way of life. Upon consideration, it isn't a bad idea, the way of tapping the element of nature, of Wind, of Earth, Of Fire, Of The Wild. As magic to spellcaster is called Spells, magic to a Shaman is called Calls. You can't demand nature to cast magic, but you can ask of it and give reasons to convince. There are times when the elements would not heed to you as it is not for a greater good, but rather destruction. A Give and Take relationship with the nature, how nice is it? I hereby proclaim myself, Shaman Ken, a Shamanistic Ken. Those who opposed me shall be set ablaze by my "Calls". Omg. I'm mad.

The Secret

2009-07-11T01:12:00.003+08:00

Tell you all, tell you all everyone a secret.
Here's something I notice which happens to me true for me
People tend to share more things after 12 A.M.
That's a statistical and experimental observation.
However it isn't just this.
From this observation we might be able to induce some reasons
After 12, we tend to be doing less things. Less things might include, less phone calls, less SMS, less chatting with parents and so on. We exclude the case ~ (AFK)
So the attention we can spend on chatting with other people can probably multiply tenfold
So the attention we spend on chatting with someone alone, is greatly emphasize.
When both party focus in a conversation, they will then share things.

If this argument is true, or probably true.
Then even more things can be inferred.
The focus is based on why less secrets tend to be shared before midnight
That people are becoming increasely busy
Or that they have grown used to multi-tasking
When so many multi tasking is involved between 2 person,
There's no mood to share already.

It may apply to you. It may not. But i think the important thing here is, how crucial is multi-tasking. Is it really that essential? or have you fell into a habitual cycle with it. It may have affected you, and the quality of your work and related, but you can still defend your position by saying, I can multi task so it won't affect me! Be honest, be true to your feelings. So actually, I think I'm quite bad a person at multi-tasking. The whole world can criticize me at being slow and unskilled, but it doesn't matter. Cause I know I give undivided attention to anything I do. I may not be talented, nor skilled, but what I have, my skills lies in the ability to give my all to that ONE thing I do. And I think, multi-tasking destroys the beauty in life, no matter how much you claim to be able to multi-task.

The assumption of this case presented works on the fact that everything happens unconsciously. If you consciously finds no meaning in engaging someone with undivided attention, this argument will break apart.

You Shall Not Stand Alone.

2009-07-08T16:25:00.007+08:00

Never have a word appear to be so intrusive, so intimating before. An A? or a B? but U ??????????????. I know I have did badly, but not so bad to deserve that fucked up grade. I don't think I deserve that grade.

Present in the heart is a lone candle, singly fighting the darkness for 18 years. And every time disappointment comes, the flame gets dimmer, and darkness grows. One day, the light will simply cease to exist. I, to keep that flame burning, is willing to put in any amount of energy, courage, and determination to keep disappointment away. I know this isn't the truth. I can't be failing, especially maths... nor physics. I won't complain, I won't lose either. Losers are those who don't have the courage to change things with their own powers. Let's try again. Shall we? Candle... you shall not stand alone my friend.

Oh well on a brighter note. Economics is the joke of the day. While going through why consumption of anti-HIV drug is a market failure, almost everyone defined it as an intrinsically DESIRABLE good. So a very cute Mrs Ting asked. What's so good about anti-HIV drug that makes it so intrinsically desirable? People consume it because they have no choice ain't it? HAHA! joke joke joke joke joke! It's strange that we have write so off as to be so quick to classify it under wht we know. It can either be a good with positive externality, or INTRINSICALLY DESIRABLE(merit) good, nothing else. And people can actually write until, after consuming it, it actually cure them. Are people in the examination hall really themselves? or are they just possessed. ~~ HAHA. Intrinsically desirable. hohoho. And after some thought i realise and learnt one thing. We shouldn't despair before the end. There's hope. There's always hope. Hope will always be present in a hopeless situation. It always is. Life's an irony.

Grand Closure: Dreams

2009-07-06T21:12:00.007+08:00

And actually, printing out the cards would not be possible without the help of the people at SimpleDigital, who tried their best to help us, and even offered to help us completely at no surcharge. They're the people who can actually realize my idea, for what would have been waste, and is so close to getting us in trouble. So very much a thank you to them, and everyone who have contributed to the idea - Ignatius and Christine for taming the night with me with endless assistance, Wei Wen for the box whch can literally qualify her for Queen Box. So actually this sets the foundation of building today's topic: Dreams.

In this context, I meant dream as ideas, ideas that we have no definite way of constructing and creating, neither do we know where to start. I have set my foot on many dreams before, setting on tasks with many possibilities unconsidered and unaccounted for. After so many experience, I know deep down that I'm not the type who can foresee problems, but from that flaw I have realized that my strength lies in the ability to generate a clear outlook of the requirements and the steps. I know I'm not the type who can convince people, because I'm simply not the type who can persuade people that I can solve the problem that are foreseen, worst, I don't foresee any problem at all, and sadly, I don't agree with what most people see as problems, rather a baseless anxiety, or plainly - excuses. "Why do people have to consider so much, plaguing themselves with problems, and limitations. Why can't they just give it a try first." Maybe this behavior stems from human's innate instinct of not being able to withstand disappointment, made worse by the fact that we expect a lot with very little. I know, and I understand, how deep my flaw runs. In this case, the Cards, I haven't yet accounted for the fact that if the Cards can't be made. I made my dear friends stayed up for nothing, on no reasons of success. Sometimes it made me feel like the world most terrible person, that I can afford to sacrifice those whom I called closest to me on a deed that can't be backed by warranted infereneces of success. But to stick by common gift, cliche, dimes a dozen and mass produced products, what more can I choose?

I have to say as I feel as if I'm very selfish... ... what if the 2 person didn't act to help us. I'm a selfish bastard indeed. Not as if I never failed before, but most of the time, when I fail, I failed alone, never before did I involve so many people in my calculations. Dreams... maybe in a last desperate attempt of comfort, maybe its the final enforcer of the creation of... great things that can exist? of human effort, of creation, of originality. Finally today has come to past, for me to part with this burden that has been lingering on. I'm a free man once again. I live once more!
(on this issue I guess I think a bit too much anyway...) Hoho !!

~Happy Birthday, Mr Chua & Wei Liat~

I don't know, but talking along this line, if Dreams were defined this way, then Love might just have been it. Love ~ a beautiful creation born out of uncertainty. It's beautiful isn't it? In return you must pay the price to walk the criteria of dreams, of doubts and uncertainty.

Ken's Theory of Lucky

2009-07-05T23:54:00.004+08:00

As I live my life, I'm starting to realize that even for luck, there's 2 category, between Implicit and Explicit luck. I do not draw this inspiration of implicitly through economics(Implicit or Explicit cost) but rather I just came to think that this word can be associated with luck. So then by Implicit luck, I mean that

Luck: Probability that a good event will occur on you. The reverse will be bad luck

Implicit Luck: Luck that sets in your general life style, and life. This can affect your e.g. Career, Family. In short, the big picture, but often many people can't sense this kind of luck.

Explicit Luck: Luck that sets in a particular set or event, that can usually be seen or felt. Event includes usually a task. E.g. some people always wins in gambling, always catches the bus. He feels lucky

Now that the parameters are clearly defined, let's move on to what I want to talk about. I always, constantly imagined that I'm one of the unluckiest man to ever walk the Earth, be it Gambling, Gaming(HOHO. I remember hunting the highest level monster at that time(Lvl 92: Bain)in maplestory I hunt for 2 months, but I get no item. IF rare item drop, i'll be damn rich. I hunt 2 mths, imagine killing 10000 bains, no item. Other players, hunt avg 2 days, 1 rare item. I 2 months, nothing. WA PIANG I'LL BE RICH LA, if i get 1 stupid item. zzzzz. I can't find any person more unlucky than me. Amongst other thing, miss bus, and uhh. Im very unlucky. But coming to think along, I failed to realize that it's only the implicit luck of it. Is it really that important to be able to catch a bus? or win a game of cards? or find that item to feel lucky? I meant like, if i did get those items in maplestory, i'll be rich now, and I'll be training non-stop, will I still be in JC then? even if I do, will I come to a point where I be in canoeing? No I won't be. I maple 16 hours minimum a day and laugh at others whom played only 16 hours, for my average is 20 hours. Because my implicit luck made me so bad, my explicit luck gained upon me, that I quitted maplestory for good, that I can focus on studies and get to a better standing in life, in canoeing, where I matured, and now bless with good friends which I wouldn't be able to have in Poly, or a lesser JC.

Another example that I can quote(inspiration from SY). I always have felt that I'm bad, and even very unlucky in relationship. Honestly, I can't really understand what girls look for, in lesser guy, worst guy than me, and honestly, very bad guys. But you know what, I soon realize that life being attached is not what I'm looking for, and I'm glad that I didnt' waste my time like those people whom I once used to envy. And all these episodes made me realize the importances of friends, and not the false essentiality determined by the time span of a relationship. I stick well to my definition that implicit luck is on event...(reject, accept) in a relationship, explicit luck(the general welfare of life). Oh relationship is defined as the luck of a person's affinity to develop a close bonding with a person, assuming everybody looks the same and expects the same. This makes our scope of argument clearer. So if you pit 2 equally ugly person against the same girl, 1 can succeed the other can't, you know what it means.

More importantly, yesterday while I'm out on a very big project, my idea have almost set me in a motion which cannot be undone, and it leads to trouble. Luckily there's kind people whom are willing to lend me a helping hand, if not I would have forgone sleep. What i thought to be unlucky again, have turned out to be one of the most lucky event. Bless my luck, bless its implicity. I have only truly understood its existence only today. if I'm not wrong, in Physics under conservation of energy that it cannot be destroyed, only converted from one form to another, in Taoism, Ying and Yang must balance, so too is it in Luck.

Explicity and Implicity must sum up to 1.So you cant have both

Thanks for everything that I'm given. I'm sorry I failed to realize your existence sooner. But now I do, I'll cherish it.

The crownless again shall be king

2009-07-02T23:36:00.002+08:00

All that is gold does not glitter
Not all those who wander are lost
The old that is strong does not wither
Deep roots are not reached by the frost
From the ashes a fire shall be woken
A light from the shadow will spring
Renewed shall be blade that was broken
The crownless again shall be king

It's a nice piece of poem isn't it? It's used to describe an ain't so fantastic person, ragged and poor but this poem gives it life and spirit. Isn't poem just like a human perspective, where beauty or thrash depends on how we look at it. If only our perception are like poems where we can actively influence. There are many things I hate, and many that I can't really change my opinion about. I wish my brain's like a poetry, happily craving any descriptor to change my thought and impression about something. If my brain's poetry, then I guess my life would be Literature. : )

Haven't been posting in a while. I guess my room's too messy for me to be able to concentrate in peace. So oh well. life shall resume to normal. Actually, J2 isn't that bad. Being in J2 helps you make better use of your time.

Dammit

2009-06-30T16:48:00.003+08:00

What's the feeling of knowing every question in a exam, but to find out that the process of working towards your answer isn't as smooth as you expected, in fact it's not even smooth. And then I thought my efforts might have paid off, a bit. I guess I was wrong. I guess I made an attempt at the impossible. I'm not there yet.

It is this day

2009-06-28T22:02:00.002+08:00

There are days where men will hide in cowardice, for fear to face their own weakness, for fear to face the worst, but it is not this day

There are days when the establishment of humanity, of greatness, of excellence will collapse upon mankind, but it is not this day

For this day, we shall stand strong against what adversity or hardship that may come.
For it is this day that we shall face our bane(exams) and emerge stronger
For it is this day that we shall perform and truly find ourselves
For what you honor you may reap on the alien field(questions never seen before) that you never been on will be yours to keep forever.

STAND YOUR GROUND!

Time Timely Timy Timothy. NOOOO

2009-06-25T19:48:00.004+08:00

Adapted From: Martial Art- Chi Kung - Wing Chun Fighting
Student: Master, how long will it take to master 永春(eternal spring).
Master: 15 years
Student: If I train day and night?
Master: 30 years
Student: If i train twice as hard, day and night?
Master: 45 years

Why? When you're anxious, you try to pick up things in a hasty manner. You assume the wrong things, miss out on an important things and you end up learning nothing. When you realized that the key to the art itself is patience and relaxation.... and time, you begin to open up, and understand the nature of the art, that's when you realize you learn the wrong things. Then you throw everything outside and relearn.

I have slowly learn to calm down, while finding the best way to study. I tried giving myself 12 hours on a topic, be it long or short. And I realize what i done in the past, going after key points is wrong. Going after key point, is like building your foundation on broken twigs and your roofs on leaves. When the wind sweeps, you find yourself rebuilding everything hastily, only to be sweep upon again. And you start to wonder: Have I got no talent at all?

Time is the essence. Preparing for A level is like building an army to march forth on the fortress of A-Cambridge(A-Bridge). The human have had their success before, bringing down the mighty fortress of O-bridge. We have done it before, and we will do it again, where the challenge is to build a sustainable empire. I'm gonna build my cities, and before I leave, I'm gonna make sure they're not gonna rot. And so, when my last city is done, I will have enough men to storm the A level. Of course, I can't have my house built on broken twig and rotted leaves. Else during the time when I finishing building my last city, it's my only city. When my last city is done, my population will be big enough to march forth A-bridge. So come forth my men. NOW IS THE HOUR. OATHS YOU HAVE TAKEN. NOW FULFILL THEM ALL. FOR THE KING(me. hehe) FOR GLORY AND LAND. ! ha !

Please, if anyone of you reading this finds that you have no talent studying, please devote 12 hours to the simplest topic. if you can't, I buy you a fruit knife to assist you in suicide for your birthday. Haha! Time Time Time! What time is it. It's time I'm done blogging. FOR THE KING !

Relax

2009-06-23T19:55:00.002+08:00

Lately, I'm trying my best to console anyone I see who's losing themselves over studies. In those days when I didn't study, I wouldn't bother if I flunk it or give a shit about it. But now that I did, I wonder what's the basis behind this unusually relaxed stance. Maybe I have a plan. No I don't. Maybe I'm putting on a false front so that other people can feel my confidence flowing through them? Neither. Maybe deep down, I been through enough to know what education is but a small thing in life, and results isn't everything. Maybe I feel I can take on the world with just an O'level cert and prove to the world that determination is all that matters. I don't know either. I ain't a living epitome to a strong human spirit. Meanwhile, I guess having the power to calm people around me is the best ability at the moment. Rock on. Haha. For Failure or Victory, it doesn't matter. Having a plan is all that counts. For now, I'm losing my resolve to mug. Argh. I need to mug alone.

For J

2009-06-22T21:09:00.003+08:00

Keywords: Precious ---> Handphone

Your most noticeable feature are your fingers
Summer, Spring, Autumn, Winter
They move all seasons, even during your slumber
You made K helpless, and every time he ponders

Your conversations run high and wide
There's no end and they approaches likes the tides
Such that I got nowhere to hide
Much to your delight

One day I'll take your precious away
All efforts to take it back will be in vain
For the moment you might fine it lame
But then soon, I won't be the one that you'll blame

Without your precious in the way
It won't keep you busy for the day
And soon you'll find other things to play
And realize that your precious have wasted your youth to your dismay

You should spend more time with your friends
At this point in life they're a better blend
Interacting with the environment is a better plan
And make your relationship with your precious come to an end

Farewell, farewell

2009-06-21T21:13:00.004+08:00

Am I being too sensitive? or things really is that way. People seem to be increasingly disagreeing and bias. Lame stuff that I said, no 1 notices. When other people bought up the same joke, it creates so much laughter. The same thing that I mention, no 1 listens, but when mentioned by someone else, people stand by them. And all the things that I'm noticed for, it's for the bad things, and most of the time, it's out of the blue. It's starting to get a bit cold somehow. At its fundamental, it shouldn't be too much of a concern, but when those people happen to be those close to you, things get rough. Either way, I can't be bothered already.

(Mood Fast Forward)
Farewell was good. I think the most happening event was the dodgeball! I had a lot of fun and excitement dodging. Being able to dodge a risky 1 gives me high aldrenaline rush. And being ousted out is just the incentive to make it even more exciting. That's supposedly the 1st and the last farewell in my CCA career. it's really one of the event that I really have nothing to say. I'm just lost for words. I guess those people who have precious CCA before, they can just say, old things don't go new things don't come. They can look forward to their next CCA and start a new career and a new journey. For mine, I guess it's the last and goodbye. I doubt University will be like government school from Primary to JC. Oh well, having live through it once is enough. It's better to have live and lost, than never to have live at all

And thanks to the team for getting me such a lovely bag. Sorry my condition gave you all so much trouble. Haha. It wasn't a condition. it is just a passing remark. I shall remember anyway not to say anyting specified before such event again. Thanks. It's really been a very happening week. And thanks Calista, for dedicating a special portion on the video for me. For one, it meant a lot. For two, I have more channels to look at myself beside the mirror. HAHA! It's just a passing remark, I'm not "that" vain.

So well. Before it's the start of another mugging week, let me just say, thanks to everyone involved. Things won't be possibly with the absence of any one of you. Farewell, farewell.

And I have always dreamed of wielding a sword to cut down my enemies. This is a nice picture. Thanks Winnie for taking it for me. Thanks Calista for uploading. I'm gonna stand like that, I'm gonna stand my ground to every adversity I faced. FEEL, MY, RESOLVE.

YOU'RE ALL GOING DOWN!

2009-06-19T20:46:00.003+08:00

Thanks people. Now I have something which I could call Sword! Arise, Anduril! Flame of the West! Do you know the feeling of holding something which you can call your own, without the feeling of having it taken away from you someday. Thanks for the racket. I'm gonna wield it ! I'm gonna wield it like the witchking of Angmar(I like this alias best).
HAHA! I think it's going to be quite a joke if I meet my badminton opponent while wielding the racket like that.I'm gonna strike fear in my opponent's hearts. Anyway its mine!! I'm gonna wield it how I want it to. Thanks Dedrick, Jun De, Arif. You guys made my day and ended my long awaited expectations of a gift. I don't know what else to say. Like what I told Jun De, the expectation turned into false hope turned into disappointment, and suddenly the racket appeared like a sunrise after the age of nightmare. So now, yes! I'm complete! Meet me! The witchking of Punggol. !

Anyway. Badminton is fun as always. Now that I have my gear, it's time to look for grips and restrings service... ... And most importantly. I'm now put in a crossroad between my friend's Titanium Mesh, and my newfound sword Muscle Power 15. To the canoeist, I always tell them, whatever you do, believe in your own paddle. It doesn't matter if its a Jantex, Braca, or G-Power. Your paddle have gone through as much as you have gone through. When the time call for it, your paddle will bring you through. As long as you grip upon your paddle, and your boat, you're gonna stand your ground, and no other superior specimen is going to move you.
And now for the Titanium Mesh, and the Muscle Power 15, Titanium may be a more superior specimen, but the Power Muscle 15 is a condensed version of all the effort, heart and brotherhood. Up against Titanium, Arc Saber, and bah bah bah. YOU'RE ALL GOING DOWN!

Thanks my friends.
I don't know what to say

The Power Of Heart

2009-06-17T15:15:00.002+08:00

Heart is used in many things, many ways. It represents good health from a robust, beating heart. It is used to express the most affectionate moment in conveying the message I love you. It also represents the compassionate and sympathetic nature of men. But what may be unknown to many is that the very essence of sincerity comes from the heart. What do you know about being sincere. Just about spending a lot of time to do something? As simple as giving it a lot of attention? Or something more complex like deciding what best to do.

Sincerity can only come from the heart ~ what does your heart tells you to do. Does your heart feel strongly about something? When you do, everything else will falls into place ~ time, attention, effort, sweat, and everything will come at minimal cost. I had a conversation with someone, and she says guys probably ain't good at certain things that girls are. Is that true? Or girls are more sincere about things they do than guys, with guys can't be bothered atttitude. Trying putting some heart into the things you do, like studying, 0r any other things, and you'll find things ain't that difficult. Even when pleasing someone seem to be the most difficult thing, it'll be easy.

Because It's unimportant

2009-06-16T17:52:00.005+08:00

Why is it not done

...

....

Simple things that can be done is not done
More than enough solutions to solve the world's hopelessness and desperation not solved
Conflict that is not deep rooted can't be resolved
Hard to please someone when it is not as hard as the easiest topic in Physics
Keeping contact in friends just take a few thoughts and words but there aren't
And words of comfort that is not present when someone's sad
When everything's awkward but there is no attempt of noise or interaction
That when things is screwed, there is no sign that things will improve
When someone is looking for hope and there's none
And when the last tiger went into extinction and there's no remorse nor guilt.

...

...

Because everything's not important anymore.

All About LosingPOEM

2009-06-15T20:11:00.010+08:00

Don't lose your belonging,
You'll lose patience

Don't lose composure
You'll lose your style

Don't lose desire
You'll lose the drive

Don't lose faith
You'll lose belief

Don't lose intergrity
You'll lose morality

Don't lose dreams
You'll lose imagination

Don't lose opportunities
You'll lose youth

And I won't lose you
For I would have lost everything

Now then. Life goes on.

Only in Threatres: Corny Love

2009-06-13T18:30:00.013+08:00

I thought of something super cute.... If I'm a producer ... ...

Synopsis:

Having just graduated from Boys Primary School, Kenneth is now enrolled in a mixed school which exposes him to a world with females. He found the latest trend of Boy Girl Relationship to be the biggest addition to his Secondary School life and is all too ready to explore it. What caught his attention from his lifestyle and environment is that guys are jerks in relationship and have left many ladies disoriented and disheartened. He is now ready to show the world that he is both a gentleman as well as a good bf. However, are gentleman and warm-hearted really what girls are looking for? It is not long before he finds himself in trouble

Cast:
Jun De as Kenneth's Punching Bag
Bryan Lim as Crap Talker
Jonathan Chng as Love Sage
Ren Yi as The Business Man
Xavier as A Critique
Wei Jia as Mr. Lame
Calista Lim Yi Jun as The Mother
Tan Wei Wen as The Auntie
X as Kenneth's Crush (Don't know what to input for X)

Character Previews:

Jun De(Punching Bag... "enough meat"): Kenneth ah Kenneth, whole day think about girls only*Makes sarcastic face*

Bryan Lim(Crap Talker): Aiyo. Girls? Don't girls lah. Let's talk cock sing song play mahjong!

Jonathan Chng(Love Sage): Rejected? Just move on Kenneth. The forest's is big, why give up on them

Ren Yi(Business Man): LIM BEI GA LE KON! NO MONEY NO TALK!

Xavier(Critique): I don't understand why you people believe in something call chasing. I mean like, it's such a stupid thing. If there's mutual love, then you 2 will be together already. What's the basis behind this chase chase thing.

Wei Jia(Mr. Lame): Kenneth don't sad. The Healing Process starts with a lame joke!

Calista(the MOTHER): YOU REJECTED!? You dare to tell me you engaging in such time wasting affairs? What's with the society. In my olden days, I'm so fierce in badminton and canoeing. What about YOU! Relationship is so unproductive. I'm gonna enrol you in badminton! I don't care.

Wei Wen(Auntie): Haiya, let auntie(don't box me please) give you a word of advice. Relationship at your age don't last!

X: I only see you as friends