This blog is created to honour the end of my Nationals Inter-School Canoe Championship 2009 and the end of a Canoeist Career in Junior College.
The 1st few post will be dedicated towards the setting up of this blog and will convey my thoughts and feeling over the 4 days event to honour the Sports
which I really believe in, fought for, bleed for and gave my life to.
In terms of interest, in terms of disappointment
Sunday, July 26, 2009 @ 8:43 PM
Dammit. I need to perform. All talks and no result is worthless. And I can't believe that mid year turn out this way. I have failed to do so many questions that are supposedly within my limits. Fk man. And I can't even get into econs star 3. That's another unauthorized assess to my pride. Dammit. Passionate, Interested, can't perform. Fk la.In terms of interest: Economics. Maths. Physics. Geog.
In terms of disappointment: Economics. Maths. Physics. Geog.
I'm trying to think of sth to say. The only thing I could think of, fk man!
Labels: in terms of disappointment, In terms of interest
Speechless
Wednesday, July 22, 2009 @ 9:13 PM
...Things gone really bad. If I don't do sth, I'll just end up drowning. That be a boring ending....Damn. this is boring, to an extent, pathetic.
...So please wake up. Or I make sure you'll never sleep again.
Labels: Speechless
Ignorance
Saturday, July 18, 2009 @ 8:01 PM
"You did the right thing, no more, no less. You asked question not seeking of a more in depth understanding and possibilities, but you don't know much about demon. And Ignorance, I will not tolerate."Am I Ignorance? I think I am quite. I wish that I could be in the footstep of someone knowledgeable and knowing, but yet I'm quite deterred by the nightmare it could bring. Truely, the more knowledge you have, the more you are in the position to change things, but is it really that great? But at this moment I think it's not wise to remain ignorant anymore. Exams nearing and I can't afford to idle and do nothing. And Ignorance is something I won't tolerate either.
Labels: Ignorance
The Process Of A ___ Paper
Thursday, July 16, 2009 @ 3:17 PM
It was silence as everyone prepares their stationaries and essential into what will have been a long, gruesome paper though less intimatiding than that of the Maths Paper of SA2. It was the 2nd section to Maths as promised that the examination will stimulate the A'level as close to the 6 hours paper as possible. The teacher in charge, Mdm Yang gave the command and within a split second, sounds of multiple turning of pages could be heard and then again it is silence once again.I turn the pages and face my 1st question confidently. However that confident did not hold its ground against one of the foul beasts in the realm of maths: e power x power 2. My eyes grew wide and I could only stare. I'm confident that I will pull off an A, worst a B in Pure Maths. It have to be. It was my strong section. I stared in despair as I proceed to do the 2nd question without hesitation. My eyes brighten as it acknowledges the presence of Vectors, my singlemost strongest topic, undefeated in any questions to date. I immediately went down to work on it. It was an intersection of lines at a point so immediately, it had to be simueltaneous equation. I formed them, grinning widely knowing that I'm on my way to completing my 1st question, without much a problem. When I press "CALCULATE" on my GC after inputting the Matrics, what had been my smile a moment ago turned into horror and unexplainable tremble. Instead of showing 2 nice numbers, the roots of X, the GC displayed "No Solutions" instead. Deep down, the word FKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk knock within the walls of my heart, as the noise died down, fading away into the darkness. For then, I knew 10 marks was gone, out of a 50M paper.
Desperate, I have to move on. The 3rd question was sketcing of graphing techniques. I completed them with ease for Mdm Yang have gone through exactly the same in class. I too have revised them throughoutly during the holidays and so have no problems with it. The next question was induction. I was half sure of this for my weakness lies deep within algebraic manipulation. As inexperienced as I was, I recognized that it was an easy question, at the same time keeping in mind that I lost 10M already, not to mention that I could have some marks taken away from Graphing Techniques. True to my weakness, I can't find a way to prove it. And so the process went on and on, till I scan to the last question, which was question 7. And realize, I have no idea how to solve it. I stared at the clock which now displayed 5:30pm. 30 mins have elapsed and I have secured barely less than 5 marks, with the rest either unknown or have gone wrong. 5 marks... 10%... laugh out loud(lol).
I laugh within myself and admired my pathetic situation, with sarcasm. I admired how much I have studied, and admired even more of the fact that I have failed to solve even 1 of the question, in a proper examination. My aspiration turn to desperation, and in turn, anger. The anger grew inside me. My wrath blazed in consuming flame, and my fear rose like a vast black smoke to choke me, for I knew my peril and the thread upon which my doom now hung. For the next 30 mins, I went flipping through the question, reattempting every single question, and everytime I failed, the more anger I felt. Until at 5:50, I thought all was lost. I laid back on my seat, clearly exhausted from my efforts to liberate myself out of my fears. The pupil in my eyes displayed a blank stare, and its focus slowly diminished. My pride has been injured, for my great expectation has come crashing down like an avalanche down a cliff. I blanked out.
When I finally regain conscious, the clock strikes 6. There is 30 mins left. I knew this has only to be an illusion for nothing can hit me harder than the other side to reality. "Only 30 mins, what can men do against such merciless and consuming unluckiness." I have blamed it all on luck for my misery for I knew no reasons for my blunder, and my inability. No Wait, this had happened before. I knew this, it feels familiar, and everytime I feel like this, it's de ja vu. I recalled how badly I have played in badminton when my anger consume me. I recalled everypinch of pain and bitterness when anger take the better of me when trying to solve a question. Although I have tried with a clear conscious that the anger has not affected my performance, I can't deny nor reason against. Relax, Relax, Relax Why not like this, you have studied so hard, over 50 hours. Why not just forget about results, and take this time to truly enjoy and appreciate the joy of attempting them instead of fuming over the unimportant?
With that, I regained conscious, picked up my pen, and started again on Vectors. I don't care if I can do it or not. At most, just settle for 6 marks from Graphings. And then, I find myself successfully crafting the Simueltaneous Equation and managed to Solve it. I went on to Induction, and I'm able to prove it. I further went on to a question that I have desperately dismissed entirely as I am unable to solve part (a), which has no relation with part (b). And Part (b) was do-able. While penning down the equations, It was 6:29. And just as I'm done with my last sentence, time's up.
And everything you just read is the Process of a 14/50 marks paper. I received them today, unimpressed, desperate even. It shattered all my hopes, if not all energy, to study. Later in the evening I received Geography and Econs too, but they are nothing more than disappointment and anger. All the anger in me, has consumed the spirit and the motivation that ever lived in me. If there was anything left, I still that bit of energy, energy enough to summon enough strength to retrieve my phone, and message my dear friend to tell her about my dilemma. And her reply was.(In exact words of SMS)
"Why not this? I mugged for my mid years. I got 4 Us. Principle is breathing down on my neck, and I'm gna get a review. Anything. 'm out of sch. Focus for As you"
Though I did not find joy in her circumstences, but it injected new courage to face my own dilemma. Thanks you. And my reply to her was. "Sorry Dude. Was wrong to despair." I don't know what the future holds, nor the magnitude of the uncertainty that I must hold my ground against. But one thing is certain, if I don't try, I will regret forever. I guess after everything, time is still on my side, as little and subtle it may seem. Now is the hour of my time. So no games, no DotA, no badminton or whatever tricks. Only a bit of storybooks for break time, no more than a chapter. I'm giving it my all, with all hopes that my brain will mature to the demanding needs of the academic realm. With my hopes of being a teacher fading with every test, now my desire lies only in merely entering University, if I have no ability to boast about, at least, my mother is of great origin. Not a Wizard, Not a Mage, Not with great magics, but at least, with great academic background. Inheriting some bits of her intelligence, I just can't bring myself not to reflect that. Sigh. Let's just do bah. Excessive pondering is useless.
Labels: The Process Of A ___ Paper
Joke Of The Day
Monday, July 13, 2009 @ 10:34 PM
MaClaurin Series.Differentiate to 3rd power of x.
y = tan x
dy/dx = sec(square x)
2nd order dy/dx = sec x sec x (OPERATED UPON with by parts)... ...
Outcome: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
For Warcraft!
Sunday, July 12, 2009 @ 7:09 PM
Omg I'm such a big fan of Warcraft. I spent my weekend chionging those books. I finished 3 books, and I'm proud to say(1) Of Blood and Honour
(2) The Age of the Dragons
(3) Lord Of The Clans
Moving on next.
(4) The Last Guardian.
Hoho. The Lord Of The Clan talks about the tale of a Shamanistic way of life. Upon consideration, it isn't a bad idea, the way of tapping the element of nature, of Wind, of Earth, Of Fire, Of The Wild. As magic to spellcaster is called Spells, magic to a Shaman is called Calls. You can't demand nature to cast magic, but you can ask of it and give reasons to convince. There are times when the elements would not heed to you as it is not for a greater good, but rather destruction. A Give and Take relationship with the nature, how nice is it? I hereby proclaim myself, Shaman Ken, a Shamanistic Ken. Those who opposed me shall be set ablaze by my "Calls". Omg. I'm mad.
The Secret
Saturday, July 11, 2009 @ 1:12 AM
Tell you all, tell you all everyone a secret.Here's something I notice which happens to me true for me
People tend to share more things after 12 A.M.
That's a statistical and experimental observation.
However it isn't just this.
From this observation we might be able to induce some reasons
After 12, we tend to be doing less things. Less things might include, less phone calls, less SMS, less chatting with parents and so on. We exclude the case ~ (AFK)
So the attention we can spend on chatting with other people can probably multiply tenfold
So the attention we spend on chatting with someone alone, is greatly emphasize.
When both party focus in a conversation, they will then share things.
If this argument is true, or probably true.
Then even more things can be inferred.
The focus is based on why less secrets tend to be shared before midnight
That people are becoming increasely busy
Or that they have grown used to multi-tasking
When so many multi tasking is involved between 2 person,
There's no mood to share already.
It may apply to you. It may not. But i think the important thing here is, how crucial is multi-tasking. Is it really that essential? or have you fell into a habitual cycle with it. It may have affected you, and the quality of your work and related, but you can still defend your position by saying, I can multi task so it won't affect me! Be honest, be true to your feelings. So actually, I think I'm quite bad a person at multi-tasking. The whole world can criticize me at being slow and unskilled, but it doesn't matter. Cause I know I give undivided attention to anything I do. I may not be talented, nor skilled, but what I have, my skills lies in the ability to give my all to that ONE thing I do. And I think, multi-tasking destroys the beauty in life, no matter how much you claim to be able to multi-task.
The assumption of this case presented works on the fact that everything happens unconsciously. If you consciously finds no meaning in engaging someone with undivided attention, this argument will break apart.
You Shall Not Stand Alone.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009 @ 4:25 PM
Never have a word appear to be so intrusive, so intimating before. An A? or a B? but U ??????????????. I know I have did badly, but not so bad to deserve that fucked up grade. I don't think I deserve that grade.
Present in the heart is a lone candle, singly fighting the darkness for 18 years. And every time disappointment comes, the flame gets dimmer, and darkness grows. One day, the light will simply cease to exist. I, to keep that flame burning, is willing to put in any amount of energy, courage, and determination to keep disappointment away. I know this isn't the truth. I can't be failing, especially maths... nor physics. I won't complain, I won't lose either. Losers are those who don't have the courage to change things with their own powers. Let's try again. Shall we? Candle... you shall not stand alone my friend.
Oh well on a brighter note. Economics is the joke of the day. While going through why consumption of anti-HIV drug is a market failure, almost everyone defined it as an intrinsically DESIRABLE good. So a very cute Mrs Ting asked. What's so good about anti-HIV drug that makes it so intrinsically desirable? People consume it because they have no choice ain't it? HAHA! joke joke joke joke joke! It's strange that we have write so off as to be so quick to classify it under wht we know. It can either be a good with positive externality, or INTRINSICALLY DESIRABLE(merit) good, nothing else. And people can actually write until, after consuming it, it actually cure them. Are people in the examination hall really themselves? or are they just possessed. ~~ HAHA. Intrinsically desirable. hohoho. And after some thought i realise and learnt one thing. We shouldn't despair before the end. There's hope. There's always hope. Hope will always be present in a hopeless situation. It always is. Life's an irony.
Present in the heart is a lone candle, singly fighting the darkness for 18 years. And every time disappointment comes, the flame gets dimmer, and darkness grows. One day, the light will simply cease to exist. I, to keep that flame burning, is willing to put in any amount of energy, courage, and determination to keep disappointment away. I know this isn't the truth. I can't be failing, especially maths... nor physics. I won't complain, I won't lose either. Losers are those who don't have the courage to change things with their own powers. Let's try again. Shall we? Candle... you shall not stand alone my friend.
Oh well on a brighter note. Economics is the joke of the day. While going through why consumption of anti-HIV drug is a market failure, almost everyone defined it as an intrinsically DESIRABLE good. So a very cute Mrs Ting asked. What's so good about anti-HIV drug that makes it so intrinsically desirable? People consume it because they have no choice ain't it? HAHA! joke joke joke joke joke! It's strange that we have write so off as to be so quick to classify it under wht we know. It can either be a good with positive externality, or INTRINSICALLY DESIRABLE(merit) good, nothing else. And people can actually write until, after consuming it, it actually cure them. Are people in the examination hall really themselves? or are they just possessed. ~~ HAHA. Intrinsically desirable. hohoho. And after some thought i realise and learnt one thing. We shouldn't despair before the end. There's hope. There's always hope. Hope will always be present in a hopeless situation. It always is. Life's an irony.
Labels: You Shall Not Stand Alone.
Grand Closure: Dreams
Monday, July 6, 2009 @ 9:12 PM
And actually, printing out the cards would not be possible without the help of the people at SimpleDigital, who tried their best to help us, and even offered to help us completely at no surcharge. They're the people who can actually realize my idea, for what would have been waste, and is so close to getting us in trouble. So very much a thank you to them, and everyone who have contributed to the idea - Ignatius and Christine for taming the night with me with endless assistance, Wei Wen for the box whch can literally qualify her for Queen Box. So actually this sets the foundation of building today's topic: Dreams.
In this context, I meant dream as ideas, ideas that we have no definite way of constructing and creating, neither do we know where to start. I have set my foot on many dreams before, setting on tasks with many possibilities unconsidered and unaccounted for. After so many experience, I know deep down that I'm not the type who can foresee problems, but from that flaw I have realized that my strength lies in the ability to generate a clear outlook of the requirements and the steps. I know I'm not the type who can convince people, because I'm simply not the type who can persuade people that I can solve the problem that are foreseen, worst, I don't foresee any problem at all, and sadly, I don't agree with what most people see as problems, rather a baseless anxiety, or plainly - excuses. "Why do people have to consider so much, plaguing themselves with problems, and limitations. Why can't they just give it a try first." Maybe this behavior stems from human's innate instinct of not being able to withstand disappointment, made worse by the fact that we expect a lot with very little. I know, and I understand, how deep my flaw runs. In this case, the Cards, I haven't yet accounted for the fact that if the Cards can't be made. I made my dear friends stayed up for nothing, on no reasons of success. Sometimes it made me feel like the world most terrible person, that I can afford to sacrifice those whom I called closest to me on a deed that can't be backed by warranted infereneces of success. But to stick by common gift, cliche, dimes a dozen and mass produced products, what more can I choose?
I have to say as I feel as if I'm very selfish... ... what if the 2 person didn't act to help us. I'm a selfish bastard indeed. Not as if I never failed before, but most of the time, when I fail, I failed alone, never before did I involve so many people in my calculations. Dreams... maybe in a last desperate attempt of comfort, maybe its the final enforcer of the creation of... great things that can exist? of human effort, of creation, of originality. Finally today has come to past, for me to part with this burden that has been lingering on. I'm a free man once again. I live once more!
(on this issue I guess I think a bit too much anyway...) Hoho !!
~Happy Birthday, Mr Chua & Wei Liat~
I don't know, but talking along this line, if Dreams were defined this way, then Love might just have been it. Love ~ a beautiful creation born out of uncertainty. It's beautiful isn't it? In return you must pay the price to walk the criteria of dreams, of doubts and uncertainty.
Labels: Grand Closure: Dreams
Ken's Theory of Lucky
Sunday, July 5, 2009 @ 11:54 PM
As I live my life, I'm starting to realize that even for luck, there's 2 category, between Implicit and Explicit luck. I do not draw this inspiration of implicitly through economics(Implicit or Explicit cost) but rather I just came to think that this word can be associated with luck. So then by Implicit luck, I mean that
Luck: Probability that a good event will occur on you. The reverse will be bad luck
Implicit Luck: Luck that sets in your general life style, and life. This can affect your e.g. Career, Family. In short, the big picture, but often many people can't sense this kind of luck.
Explicit Luck: Luck that sets in a particular set or event, that can usually be seen or felt. Event includes usually a task. E.g. some people always wins in gambling, always catches the bus. He feels lucky
Now that the parameters are clearly defined, let's move on to what I want to talk about. I always, constantly imagined that I'm one of the unluckiest man to ever walk the Earth, be it Gambling, Gaming(HOHO. I remember hunting the highest level monster at that time(Lvl 92: Bain)in maplestory I hunt for 2 months, but I get no item. IF rare item drop, i'll be damn rich. I hunt 2 mths, imagine killing 10000 bains, no item. Other players, hunt avg 2 days, 1 rare item. I 2 months, nothing. WA PIANG I'LL BE RICH LA, if i get 1 stupid item. zzzzz. I can't find any person more unlucky than me. Amongst other thing, miss bus, and uhh. Im very unlucky. But coming to think along, I failed to realize that it's only the implicit luck of it. Is it really that important to be able to catch a bus? or win a game of cards? or find that item to feel lucky? I meant like, if i did get those items in maplestory, i'll be rich now, and I'll be training non-stop, will I still be in JC then? even if I do, will I come to a point where I be in canoeing? No I won't be. I maple 16 hours minimum a day and laugh at others whom played only 16 hours, for my average is 20 hours. Because my implicit luck made me so bad, my explicit luck gained upon me, that I quitted maplestory for good, that I can focus on studies and get to a better standing in life, in canoeing, where I matured, and now bless with good friends which I wouldn't be able to have in Poly, or a lesser JC.
Another example that I can quote(inspiration from SY). I always have felt that I'm bad, and even very unlucky in relationship. Honestly, I can't really understand what girls look for, in lesser guy, worst guy than me, and honestly, very bad guys. But you know what, I soon realize that life being attached is not what I'm looking for, and I'm glad that I didnt' waste my time like those people whom I once used to envy. And all these episodes made me realize the importances of friends, and not the false essentiality determined by the time span of a relationship. I stick well to my definition that implicit luck is on event...(reject, accept) in a relationship, explicit luck(the general welfare of life). Oh relationship is defined as the luck of a person's affinity to develop a close bonding with a person, assuming everybody looks the same and expects the same. This makes our scope of argument clearer. So if you pit 2 equally ugly person against the same girl, 1 can succeed the other can't, you know what it means.
More importantly, yesterday while I'm out on a very big project, my idea have almost set me in a motion which cannot be undone, and it leads to trouble. Luckily there's kind people whom are willing to lend me a helping hand, if not I would have forgone sleep. What i thought to be unlucky again, have turned out to be one of the most lucky event. Bless my luck, bless its implicity. I have only truly understood its existence only today. if I'm not wrong, in Physics under conservation of energy that it cannot be destroyed, only converted from one form to another, in Taoism, Ying and Yang must balance, so too is it in Luck.
Luck: Probability that a good event will occur on you. The reverse will be bad luck
Implicit Luck: Luck that sets in your general life style, and life. This can affect your e.g. Career, Family. In short, the big picture, but often many people can't sense this kind of luck.
Explicit Luck: Luck that sets in a particular set or event, that can usually be seen or felt. Event includes usually a task. E.g. some people always wins in gambling, always catches the bus. He feels lucky
Now that the parameters are clearly defined, let's move on to what I want to talk about. I always, constantly imagined that I'm one of the unluckiest man to ever walk the Earth, be it Gambling, Gaming(HOHO. I remember hunting the highest level monster at that time(Lvl 92: Bain)in maplestory I hunt for 2 months, but I get no item. IF rare item drop, i'll be damn rich. I hunt 2 mths, imagine killing 10000 bains, no item. Other players, hunt avg 2 days, 1 rare item. I 2 months, nothing. WA PIANG I'LL BE RICH LA, if i get 1 stupid item. zzzzz. I can't find any person more unlucky than me. Amongst other thing, miss bus, and uhh. Im very unlucky. But coming to think along, I failed to realize that it's only the implicit luck of it. Is it really that important to be able to catch a bus? or win a game of cards? or find that item to feel lucky? I meant like, if i did get those items in maplestory, i'll be rich now, and I'll be training non-stop, will I still be in JC then? even if I do, will I come to a point where I be in canoeing? No I won't be. I maple 16 hours minimum a day and laugh at others whom played only 16 hours, for my average is 20 hours. Because my implicit luck made me so bad, my explicit luck gained upon me, that I quitted maplestory for good, that I can focus on studies and get to a better standing in life, in canoeing, where I matured, and now bless with good friends which I wouldn't be able to have in Poly, or a lesser JC.
Another example that I can quote(inspiration from SY). I always have felt that I'm bad, and even very unlucky in relationship. Honestly, I can't really understand what girls look for, in lesser guy, worst guy than me, and honestly, very bad guys. But you know what, I soon realize that life being attached is not what I'm looking for, and I'm glad that I didnt' waste my time like those people whom I once used to envy. And all these episodes made me realize the importances of friends, and not the false essentiality determined by the time span of a relationship. I stick well to my definition that implicit luck is on event...(reject, accept) in a relationship, explicit luck(the general welfare of life). Oh relationship is defined as the luck of a person's affinity to develop a close bonding with a person, assuming everybody looks the same and expects the same. This makes our scope of argument clearer. So if you pit 2 equally ugly person against the same girl, 1 can succeed the other can't, you know what it means.
More importantly, yesterday while I'm out on a very big project, my idea have almost set me in a motion which cannot be undone, and it leads to trouble. Luckily there's kind people whom are willing to lend me a helping hand, if not I would have forgone sleep. What i thought to be unlucky again, have turned out to be one of the most lucky event. Bless my luck, bless its implicity. I have only truly understood its existence only today. if I'm not wrong, in Physics under conservation of energy that it cannot be destroyed, only converted from one form to another, in Taoism, Ying and Yang must balance, so too is it in Luck.
Explicity and Implicity must sum up to 1.So you cant have both
Thanks for everything that I'm given. I'm sorry I failed to realize your existence sooner. But now I do, I'll cherish it.
Labels: Ken's Theory of Lucky
The crownless again shall be king
Thursday, July 2, 2009 @ 11:36 PM
All that is gold does not glitterNot all those who wander are lost
The old that is strong does not wither
Deep roots are not reached by the frost
From the ashes a fire shall be woken
A light from the shadow will spring
Renewed shall be blade that was broken
The crownless again shall be king
It's a nice piece of poem isn't it? It's used to describe an ain't so fantastic person, ragged and poor but this poem gives it life and spirit. Isn't poem just like a human perspective, where beauty or thrash depends on how we look at it. If only our perception are like poems where we can actively influence. There are many things I hate, and many that I can't really change my opinion about. I wish my brain's like a poetry, happily craving any descriptor to change my thought and impression about something. If my brain's poetry, then I guess my life would be Literature. : )
Haven't been posting in a while. I guess my room's too messy for me to be able to concentrate in peace. So oh well. life shall resume to normal. Actually, J2 isn't that bad. Being in J2 helps you make better use of your time.