And looking at my own circumstences, I think I have led a crippled life, often only musterng enough strength & energy, to do what's minimal to get by or get past. I have forgotten the kind of potential I used to have, or used to hold because of my self destructing habits. 

I'll learned things the hard way. I guess it's time I learn to lead a normal life. Maybe sometimes if I'm struggling it really meant that I'm trying too hard. Should life really be like that? I haven't lost hope of living a normal life. 

Sometimes in life I guess, we need hope, and a huge dose  of faith, that the day will come.

When I am not so controlled by strong feelings and emotion.

When I can stop getting myself addicted to things & events.

When I can get myself out of the things & events I'm currently addicted.

When I can discipline myself to act on the knowledge on what I believed to be right.

The Day where I will no longer need to struggle

The Day when I know I can be in control of things

The Day I can sleep in peace, knowing that my past will not come back to haunt me

The Day I can finally look at myself and say, I''ve changed

The Day when I can look at myself in the eye, and say, I have accomplish something which I failed for 10 years.

Because I believe, that is the only way, and chance, I can lead a fulfilling life. 

Because I know deep down, there's a part of me struggling to break free, struggling to lead a normal life.

Struggling for a new life

Struggling to do what normal people can do

Struggling just to be normal

And hopefully that will come a day where I no longer need to struggle.

The day will come when I no longer need to run away

When there's a part of me when I no longer need to hide

This is my own battle, the struggle for control

Only with the ability to control over what's within me,

Can I stand a chance to control what's beyond me,

And now, never in the history of my life do I see a greater urgency & need to regain control.

The struggle between pleasure & sanity.