I turn the pages and face my 1st question confidently. However that confident did not hold its ground against one of the foul beasts in the realm of maths: e power x power 2. My eyes grew wide and I could only stare. I'm confident that I will pull off an A, worst a B in Pure Maths. It have to be. It was my strong section. I stared in despair as I proceed to do the 2nd question without hesitation. My eyes brighten as it acknowledges the presence of Vectors, my singlemost strongest topic, undefeated in any questions to date. I immediately went down to work on it. It was an intersection of lines at a point so immediately, it had to be simueltaneous equation. I formed them, grinning widely knowing that I'm on my way to completing my 1st question, without much a problem. When I press "CALCULATE" on my GC after inputting the Matrics, what had been my smile a moment ago turned into horror and unexplainable tremble. Instead of showing 2 nice numbers, the roots of X, the GC displayed "No Solutions" instead. Deep down, the word FKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk knock within the walls of my heart, as the noise died down, fading away into the darkness. For then, I knew 10 marks was gone, out of a 50M paper.

Desperate, I have to move on. The 3rd question was sketcing of graphing techniques. I completed them with ease for Mdm Yang have gone through exactly the same in class. I too have revised them throughoutly during the holidays and so have no problems with it. The next question was induction. I was half sure of this for my weakness lies deep within algebraic manipulation. As inexperienced as I was, I recognized that it was an easy question, at the same time keeping in mind that I lost 10M already, not to mention that I could have some marks taken away from Graphing Techniques. True to my weakness, I can't find a way to prove it. And so the process went on and on, till I scan to the last question, which was question 7. And realize, I have no idea how to solve it. I stared at the clock which now displayed 5:30pm. 30 mins have elapsed and I have secured barely less than 5 marks, with the rest either unknown or have gone wrong. 5 marks... 10%... laugh out loud(lol).

I laugh within myself and admired my pathetic situation, with sarcasm. I admired how much I have studied, and admired even more of the fact that I have failed to solve even 1 of the question, in a proper examination. My aspiration turn to desperation, and in turn, anger. The anger grew inside me. My wrath blazed in consuming flame, and my fear rose like a vast black smoke to choke me, for I knew my peril and the thread upon which my doom now hung. For the next 30 mins, I went flipping through the question, reattempting every single question, and everytime I failed, the more anger I felt. Until at 5:50, I thought all was lost. I laid back on my seat, clearly exhausted from my efforts to liberate myself out of my fears. The pupil in my eyes displayed a blank stare, and its focus slowly diminished. My pride has been injured, for my great expectation has come crashing down like an avalanche down a cliff. I blanked out.

When I finally regain conscious, the clock strikes 6. There is 30 mins left. I knew this has only to be an illusion for nothing can hit me harder than the other side to reality. "Only 30 mins, what can men do against such merciless and consuming unluckiness." I have blamed it all on luck for my misery for I knew no reasons for my blunder, and my inability. No Wait, this had happened before. I knew this, it feels familiar, and everytime I feel like this, it's de ja vu. I recalled how badly I have played in badminton when my anger consume me. I recalled everypinch of pain and bitterness when anger take the better of me when trying to solve a question. Although I have tried with a clear conscious that the anger has not affected my performance, I can't deny nor reason against. Relax, Relax, Relax Why not like this, you have studied so hard, over 50 hours. Why not just forget about results, and take this time to truly enjoy and appreciate the joy of attempting them instead of fuming over the unimportant?

With that, I regained conscious, picked up my pen, and started again on Vectors. I don't care if I can do it or not. At most, just settle for 6 marks from Graphings. And then, I find myself successfully crafting the Simueltaneous Equation and managed to Solve it. I went on to Induction, and I'm able to prove it. I further went on to a question that I have desperately dismissed entirely as I am unable to solve part (a), which has no relation with part (b). And Part (b) was do-able. While penning down the equations, It was 6:29. And just as I'm done with my last sentence, time's up.

And everything you just read is the Process of a 14/50 marks paper. I received them today, unimpressed, desperate even. It shattered all my hopes, if not all energy, to study. Later in the evening I received Geography and Econs too, but they are nothing more than disappointment and anger. All the anger in me, has consumed the spirit and the motivation that ever lived in me. If there was anything left, I still that bit of energy, energy enough to summon enough strength to retrieve my phone, and message my dear friend to tell her about my dilemma. And her reply was.(In exact words of SMS)